10:20 AM - Thursday, Aug. 19, 2004
I've got an attitude today...
I'm going into work at noon today. I just received two wake up calls from the office demanding to know where I am. Well, okay. Actually the first wake up call was from my dad. He said, "Are you feeling any better today?" I said, "I still feel blah, but I'll be in today at noon." And he said, "Great! I'll go get the mail from the post office for you." And I said, "Oh, well, thanks!" Then the second call comes a few minutes after that. "Jessica! Are you not coming in today?" It's my brother-in-law. I said, "I am. I just told dad I was." "Well, you need to tell me, don't you think? If you aren't going to be in by 8:30 don't you think you should let somebody know?" And of course, he's right. I'm such a bad bad person. I'm a terrible employee. I deserve to be yelled at. I'm SO not worthy!
And all of this came after I was jarred from a dream where the brother-in-law said to me, "I think you should leave here and no longer work for us." Question is: is that my fear or my desire?
I had the strangest dream last night. I dreamt that I drove to a high school football game by myself. And while I was parking my car, I ended up right next to my old next door neighbors from Wichita. There was Michelle, Melissa, and Mindy. I gave them all a huge hug because I hadn't seen them in years, and walked into the game with them. Suddenly we were inside a gymnasium where we were getting ready to watch a basketball game. And while I was sitting with them, I was waiting on my family to arrive to join us. But then I saw my friend Kathy from high school. She was looking for me. So I called out her name, told the 3 M's that I would be back and dashed down to see Kathy. Next thing I know, I'm also seeing ReAnna, Carrie, Jennifer, and Brandi... all of them from my high school days. My dad appears out of nowhere and says, "If you see your mom, tell her to call me on the cell." And he dashes off to talk to people he knows.
But the dream doesn't end there. Suddenly, while sitting in a chair with these high school friends, the stands move backwards to make room for the court because oddly, the court was covered by the stands. And then the next thing I know is that we're outside and a train is passing through behind us, and I'm remarking to somebody, "Well, they sure didn't think about the railroad tracks when they built this high school."
All around me, people are playing volleyball, some strange game that's a combination of ping pong and tennis, and getting ready to run track. I'm eating an apple and I start to throw parts of it into some trashcan that's pretty far away. I don't miss a single throw. Next thing I know, I have some lady coach handing me bits of apples and other things and telling me to shoot from so far away. I do as I'm told and I still don't miss a basket. I know she's going to ask me to join her team, even though I'm no longer in high school... but then I got woken up by the phone so I'm not sure how this dream would have ended.
I know part of the high school bit is because I keep getting mistaken for a high school student by actual high school students. Once at Walgreen's, once at Dillon's (the grocery store), once at work, once at the doctor's office, and once at some restaurant. I mean, I always knew I was young looking, but do I really look that young? Not that I'm complaining. I mean, this will totally benefit me when I'm old. I look at my Aunt Patty, and I know I'll look as young as she does when I'm her age. She's 40 something, and I swear she looks like she just turned 30. And then there's Jenny who is 30, and she gets mistaken for being 19 or 20 all the time. And I'm 26, getting mistaken for 16... so I guess it runs in the genes to look ten years younger than we actually are. I believe it. My grandpa is 82 and people always mistake him for being in his late 60s. Grandma's 75 and she gets mistaken for 65. My mom's 55 and people think she's 45. My dad's 56 and people think he's in his late 40s.. mostly because of his gray hair and reading glasses. When he doesn't wear his glasses he looks younger. Guess I'm lucky there.
Well, one more thing and then I have to go take a shower so I'm not late for work.
I've noticed this morning that I'm no longer upset when Casey says he'll call and he doesn't. I've come to accept this as a part of his nature, his personality. I no longer expect him to call. If he does, great. If he doesn't, oh well. I'm not going to spend my time worrying about it.
And as for Cory? Well, I no longer expect him to call me, either. Not that he says he will or anything. He's learned to say, "I'll call you in the next couple of days," never setting a specific day. Except, when he does call, he usually calls at 2, 3, or 4 in the morning and by that time I'm fast asleep so I can get up for work on time. I think our timing is off. When he calls me during the day, I'm busy at work. When he does call me at night, I'm fast asleep. And Lord knows he won't call straight after work because he goes out with his friends, or he has friends over. And we all know he won't call in the evenings because he's usually at work. And I can't help but think that on most of the nights he doesn't call, he's off having sex with some girl or he's drinking with his buddies. And since I don't drink anymore (maybe once every six months), and I'm not sexually active anymore.... well, I just feel as if I'm at a different stage in my life than he is and that I'm waiting for him to catch up. Which is really odd because it should be the other way around... not that sleeping with your friends and getting drunk with your boys is a bad thing. I mean, a lot of people do that all the time. And my reasons for not doing it are justified, and I realize that had my reasons not happened, I'd probably still be doing it too... but I don't think I'd be doing it as often. Since I'm not doing it at all, I shouldn't even be arguing with myself about this. I don't know. Maybe I'm just rambling and don't know a thing about what I'm talking about.
I'm going to the YMCA tonight to work out. Afterwards, I think I'm going to turn off my phones and crash. I'll see if Ryan calls, but that's it. I'm in no mood to talk to anybody else right now. I'm tired of being reachable whenever they call, yet when I call them they're never reachable. And not only that, but they don't return my calls when I always return theirs. Well, maybe next time I won't. Maybe next time, I'll just be like, "oh, he called. Well, that's nice. I'm busy right now, so he'll just have to wait til he calls again or I call him."
