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12:50 PM - Sunday, Mar. 13, 2005
Shut your eyes in order to see.
I completely forgot to mention the fact that the man who installed our security system was also cute... but guess what! Married.

I have a feeling that my dream guy is married, too. Even though I haven't met him yet, I just have this feeling that when I do.. he'll have a ring on his finger.

Isn't it ironic?

So what is my dream guy made up of? That's a good question. I don't think I even know. Let me take a gander at listing the qualities I find most attractive in a man. These aren't listed in any specific order, and they entail not only physical but not physical as well.

Jessica's Dream Guy...

  1. has a noticeable smile.
  2. has a personality that sticks out.
  3. loves to engage in stimulating conversation.
  4. is intelligent.
  5. has loads of common sense.
  6. enjoys travelling.
  7. enjoys food - but doesn't overeat.
  8. has a sense of humor.
  9. is a cat lover.
  10. leaves her alone when she wants time to herself.
  11. makes her feel like the most important person in the world.

Okay. I'm tired of making a list. As you can see, I'm looking more for someone who will stimulate me mentally and emotionally. Of course the physical can't help but play a small part in any relationship, but it's not that important to me. Not that I know of, anyhow.


I'm in the middle of doing my laundry. I've only started one load so far, and my god. It seems to be taking forever. Perhaps I should play a game to pass the time?


I had a good time on the phone last night with Ryan. And before you assume whether or not we had phone sex... NO! We did not. I'm not a phone whore. Neither is he. Plus, he's taken. My hormones may be raging right now, but that doesn't mean I'm going to get it on with everyone. I'm far too picky for that. Now, if Ryan wasn't such a good friend to me and he didn't have a girlfriend.. and he didn't mean part of the world to me.. yes, I'd be sexual with him. But since he means part of my world, has a wonderful girlfriend, and is one of my closest bestest friends.. I won't even talk about my raging hormones with him or hit on him in that sort of way.

I just need to find somebody I've done it with a lot in the past to get it on with again before I do run out to the nearest bar and jump the bones of any wandering eyes that stray my way. I'd get it on with Cory but he's on my shit list right now.

Why? Partially because he isn't being intimate with me right now. Partially because he says he'll call and he doesn't. Okay. That's only happened once this month. Partially because I'm pissed off at the fact that my emotions towards him are changing because he's becoming more of a friend and less of a lover/friend. That's because he won't be intimate with me! Partially because his solution to my problem would be to advise me to go out and fuck some random men that I know nothing about just to satisfy my sexual urges. That's because the idea of that turns him on. Partially because even though he's able to go out and fuck his little posse of girlies, I'm not the type of person to create sex buddies just to get my kicks off. Partially because he does go out and gets his kicks off with this posse and to me that means I don't mean near enough. Not as much as I assume I should mean, anyhow. So that just means that basically, he shouldn't mean that much to me either. And therefore, my mind and my emotions are detaching ourselves from him and placing him in the "friend" category and out of the potential "partner" category.

Screw that. I'm better than that. I don't need to be dicked around by some guy. I shouldn't even allow myself to feel this way, let alone be treated this way. And who knows? Maybe he isn't treating me rudely, and just maybe he's not out having random sex with his posse getting his kicks off.. and maybe he does find me attractive and wants to be with me, but as far as I see it? Well, I need more proof. I mean, hell. Sure, he calls me up and talks to me about his problems. Sure, I'm the one he turns to when he needs an ear to listen to him. Sure, he calls me quite often. More often than most people. Sure, he considers me one of his best friends. And perhaps I'm being too selfish wanting more than that, seeing that with the reality of the situation and the fact that we live thousands of miles from one another and have yet to actually meet physically...

Well, damnit. I'm sexually frustrated and he won't do a damn thing about it. And I don't even know if he still wants to do a damn thing about it.

I had a dream the other night where he wouldn't have sex with me at all. And I remember asking him when he woke me up from that dream and after I told him about that dream, "would you fuck me?" He said yes, of course.. but then what man would turn down free sex? Besides a man who is smitten with his wife or girlfriend and is satisfied with having one sex partner because they love that person enough to respect them by not going out and just doing it with ten million others.

I ask of you this... where are the fucking loyal men who can go without sex but desire to only be with that one person? Besides married or taken, of course.

I'm calling Cory right now. I bet you I get his voice mail. How much do you want to bet me? I wouldn't bet against it. Should I leave a message? HELL NO!

Should I go buy that book, He's just not that into you? Why does that title sound funny to me?

Ah, screw it.


Enough about Cory.

Okay. Started my second load and put the first load into the dryer. Things are going good here.


Ah, hell. What has Comet destroyed now?

 

 

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