9:23 PM - Monday, Mar. 21, 2005
I need a scooper for the cat's kitty litter!
I had to go out and buy Haley her own cat bed. I mean, Comet won't share the other one with her at all. And yet, Haley is the mother. I don't get it. Today, as I was reading a book, Comet jumps up on top of my VERY TALL case thingy that holds the television. She then looks around in bewilderment as she's trying to find her way down. It was so hilarious. I had to leave her up there just to laugh at her for awhile.
My Grandpa is now out of the hospital. I haven't heard how things went yet, but I'm guessing they were positive or they wouldn't have sent him home. We still don't know for certain what happened last Thursday. I'm just glad that we're fortunate enough to have him with us still. Hopefully he's around for a long long time. He seriously thought he was passing away there.
My cousin Esther started work with us today. I hope she enjoyed her first day. We went to Arby's for lunch together. It was such a busy day, but then again it was Monday, so I didn't really get to peek in on her too much and ask her how it was going. We did get to take a break to look at 5 deer walking through the foliage in the back of the building. I'm not kidding you. Normally you only see two or three deer at the most. We saw five. But that doesn't surprise me much. We had two wild turkeys running around out there just last week.
I keep thinking Haley and Comet are going to fall over dead. Every single time I see them lying on their sides the way I found Ashley, I have to rub their bellies and prod them to make sure they are still alive. Even when I see their stomachs rise and fall as they breathe, the trepidation doesn't escape me. I think I partially fear that I was to blame for Ashley's death. After all, even if it was heartworm, the vet said that we track things inside on our clothes and shoes all the time so that just maybe the heartworm came from that. I almost wanted to tell him thanks for putting that thought into my mind. It's bad enough that I feel guilty over not being home enough to love her as she should have been loved. But it's okay. He's a good vet. He's extremely kind and gentle to my kittens so I'm happy. And even though Haley has a cold.. Comet is in top condition. At least, I hope so.
Cory's supposed to call me when he gets off work today. I don't know if he will or not. I have gotten to the point where I just don't expect much out of men. I don't get how people can find someone they are so compatible with that they desire and wish to spend the rest of their lives with that one person no matter what kind of shit that person puts them through.
Maybe I've just never been in love before. I mean, yeah... I've had past loves before where I thought I was completely in love with the guy, but now I know better. Now I know that what I felt for him was nothing more than a need I wanted filled deep down inside. So I pushed myself upon those men hoping they'd give me that feeling I was craving. What feeling was that anyhow? The feeling of completeness? i don't know.
Why do we go through life feeling as if we need to have another person beside us in order to complete us anyhow? Is it instinct or something distinctly human? I'm sure there are people who have asked the same thing over the years, and even some people who have spent a lifetime trying to answer the questions. I, however, tend to only dwell on the questions when I'm in a certain mood. And it's not the mood where I feel bitter because I don't have somebody. It's not the mood where I feel such a strong sense of desire to be intimate with another human being. And it's definitely not the mood where I feel as if I need to settle down and start popping out a billion children. It's more like this mood comes and goes when I'm feeling in the need to analyze human relationships.
Why I have to analyze human relationships is beyond me! I mean, in the end, what does it really matter? There's a dozen different answers to a dozen different questions, and the only satisfaction I get from even attempting to answer them is a frustration that only comes with knowing that these questions can never be summed up into one explanation. Aha. Long sentence there. Took me eons to work the kinks out of my fingers after that run-on sentence.
Well, it's tax season time and I just remembered I need to pull out all my house and car information to give to my dad so he can finish my taxes tomorrow. I better go do that before Family Guy comes on.
That, and well.. suddenly I just don't feel like going off on some wild tangent about love and marriage and babies and relationships and what-not.
Until later...
Well, wouldn't you know... Haley lies in the original cat bed instead of the new one. And what does Comet do? Comet goes and curls up next to Haley inside of it.
I just can't win.
