11:56 AM - Monday, Aug. 30, 2004
In My Own Way
Well, I'm back... to ramble on about nothing in particular.
Casey called me at 12:30 this morning. I was ALMOST asleep, too. I can't remember what I was doing... oh yes. I remember now. I was picking most common names and trying to name off all the celebrities that have that name.. So like.. I did Jim... and so in my mind I'd be saying stuff like Jim Brickman, Jim Belushi, Jim Carrey, Jimmy Buffett... until I couldn't think of anymore. We didn't talk. He assumed he woke me up from my sleep and I didn't deny it because I was tired and was attempting to pass out. So once we got off the phone, I did eventually fall asleep. But then I woke up at 2 AM, then again at 4:15, and at 5:20, and at 6:45... and so on and so on. Why am I becoming an insomniac???
I am so tired.... And I don't want to do my work. I brought my Wheat Thins into work with me today. I haven't really munched on them too much, but I was feeling icky earlier and they helped take away that icky feeling. I am making sure I don't starve to death anymore.
I think my grandparents assume my cell phone # is my house # because they always seem to call my cell instead of my house... and I get their messages days later.
For crying outloud. I just spilled half my lunch down my shirt and skirt. Why does this always happen to me? Right now, the peons are talking in the breakroom. I bet $100 that if I were to walk in there right now, they would become extremely quiet. I'm tempted to go in there to grab a drink just to test this out.
I watched a movie on Lifetime yesterday about some chick who suffered from Anorexia. She felt fake because she had to put on airs around people to discuss things that aren't deep in nature. Things like how cute a boy is or what kind of make-up would look good with a certain outfit. She hated her friends. She hated her life. She hated how she had to be fake in order to fit in. And I thought to myself, I know exactly how she feels. Which led me to thinking about my own eating disorder... and I'm all like, "Damn. I've been fucked up in so many ways for so many years. It's a wonder I've lived this long and made it this far." Oh well. I'm tired of thinking along those lines.
I'm gonna end this here. I'm too tired to do anything else.... I need a break from everything. I need a nap.
