10:57 AM - Friday, Apr. 15, 2005
me & You
Thanks to Erwin, my computer has been saved. YAY!!! THANK YOU, ERWIN!!! I don't have to buy a new one at all. Although, I would love to buy a Dell keyboard like the one I'm using at work for home because it just has the smoothest keys.
I received my Jodi Picoult newsletter today. My sister Jenny and I have decided to contact Watermark Books to see if they can host her as a guest someday. Would it not be freaking cool to have Jodi Picoult come and visit just because my sister Jenny and I attempted to set it up with the bookstore? So kick ass! I'll see where this goes once this lady from the bookstore calls back.
I went to this Catholic Charities dinner last night and had a bit too much to drink. I can't remember if I had 3 or 4 watermellon Zingers.. but they knackered me out. I'm not drinking like that again for a very long time.
After I got done going to this event, I was telling my mother how I often feel like the fifth wheel. Somehow it turned into a discussion about marrying me off (which seems to be very important to her for some reason). She told me I should join a church or find a hobby. I told her that even though I believe in God, I don't agree with any man made religion. So she asked me what it is that I like to do... and I said, read, and that's something you do on your own. So now I'm sitting here trying to come up with things that I like to do that involve other people. I can't seem to think of anything.
What am I passionate about? I ask myself that often. I can tell you what my other family members are passionate about. Dad loves sports, Mom loves children and educational type things, Jenny loves sports almost as badly as my dad, Angie is the social butterfly constantly having to be the center of attention at parties and such, while Scotty is into travelling and politics. It's easy to buy things for them, while.. me? Well, I don't really know.
I do love to draw - but not enough to make a living out of it. I love to decorate - but only when it comes to my own house. I love cats - but that's almost borderline obsession there on my part. I love to take pictures - but I never seem to get around to getting the pictures developed. I love to write - but in order to write socially around other people you almost need to be in Journalism and the mass media rubs me the wrong way. I love music, but I couldn't carry a tune for the life of me.
I need to quit coming up with "buts" and find something! Why does it have to be this difficult?
Time keeps slipping by and I feel like I'm wasting away. Sometimes I think I should be out there doing a million other things instead of sitting at a computer desk all day answering phones. In the real world, it's impossible unless you're amazingly rich and/or don't have to work for a living.
I keep telling myself, Someday when you have enough money, you'll be okay. Just wait until you're older and you'll be able to do a whole lot more with your life. But the bad thing about thinking like that is... what if you let so much time slip by that by the time you wake up to do these things, you find that you can't do them because you're too old or too broke... or too something.
I talked to Cory last night. He took some of his frustrations out on me while I did the same right back at him. When we finished with our call, I called Ryan and talked his ear off for 1 hour, 40 minutes, and 56 seconds. Then I lay in bed tossing and turning trying to fall asleep. It was rather difficult because Haley had positioned herself so she was directly on top of both my legs and heating me up. It was so freaking hot... like wearing a furr coat in the middle of summer. After awhile, Cory called me back. He apologized for taking his frustrations out on me. I think he did some thinking between the two phone calls because suddenly he was being sincere to me. He even went so far as to call my cats companions among other things. I was in shock, I have to tell you.
And then it happened. He asked me if I watched Robot Chicken. I told him that I did. He asked me if I watched it religiously with Ryan. I said that I didn't. (Our religiously watched show is ATHF). He asked if Robot Chicken could be our show. I asked him, You want to share a cartoon with me? And he said, Well, yeah. If that's okay with you. And then wham. Like an instant orgasm or something. I felt this rush race through my body so fast that I knew everything between us was going to be okay.
I said, See! That's what I need. For you to say things like that to me more often. He said, I thought telling you that I was freaked out that you might be dead should have been good enough.
My desire for him isn't dead. It just needed the right things to stimulate it.
God, I am so tired today. Anyhow, I have to get to work now.
