9:13 AM - Friday, Apr. 29, 2005
Trying to Figgerit out....
I'm in the middle of working on Figgerits. I bought two magazines of these things and it's somewhat addicting. I also bought a complete magazine of nothing but word mines.
Well, my Grandpa had another panic attack Wednesday. Esther's husband Tony had to skip work to drive my Grandma to the hospital because they wouldn't let her ride in the ambulance with him. We don't know why he's having these panic attacks. All we know is that the nurses and doctors keep telling us (and him) that he's in wonderful physical shape. Yet.. for some reason he thinks he's dying. And I don't know if it's because he can't remember everything and his memory is getting worse... or if it's something else entirely.
They put him on anti-anxiety drugs so maybe this will help. My poor grandpa. I'd call him up on the phone right now but he can't hear a thing so he'd just put me over to my Grandma.
Life is changing. Too quickly. And I just don't know how to cope with that right now.
On to less serious matters....
I am so sore and crampy... and my face has broken out badly. I hate the time of the month. It's the only time my face has any blemishes, and they drive me crazy. I constantly feel like everybody is staring at them... it might help if I wore make-up, but today I was in such a hurry that I just ran out the door. Now I feel like a circus clown.
I used to take Orthotricyclene for my cramps but I quit taking it last month. I wanted to see if my mood swings were related to the pill... especially after what happened last month here at the office. And what do you know? This month I didn't have a severe mood swing, BUT I did have the worst cramps known to womankind.
I went to Target and bought a heating pad which really helped last night. I also bought some Target brand Mydol. Now I am living life cramp free... but that doesn't seem to stop the fact that my face looks absolutely terrible. I can count a total of six blemishes that shouldn't be there!
Grrrrrr!
I think I may go buy a massage machine for my shoulder. The heating pad also helped it out a lot, but for some reason I really like feeling the pain a massage will impress upon my muscles. When I used to go to the chiropractor, he put electroid type thingies on the area that would really tug and stimulate the muscle. It felt so good, even though it hurt like hell.
Maybe I'm a pain freak.
Tomorrow I have to wake up early and go help my sisters put together a scrapbook for my mom. We're going to give it to her for Mother's Day. I still need to go through my pictures and see if I can find any photos of her that I wouldn't mind parting with.
Now I just have to figure out what to get my grandma. Hmmm.... I'm still figuring that one out. Maybe I need to hit Hallmark.
We finally celebrated Jon's birthday yesterday. Sure, it was a week and a day later but at least it happened. He was out of town on his birthday, and then everybody else was gone until yesterday. I bought him a cookie cake at Dillons.. so it ended up being a good experience. Not because of the cookie cake, but because he deserves to have his birthdays celebrated too just like everybody else in the office.
I am of the opinion that people should be treated fairly and equally. It must be the Libra in me. I am always looking for a balance, and I'm always struggling for equal justice.
I should have become a lawyer so I could eventually end up a judge. I'd make a good judge, I think. Too bad it takes too much work to become one. I AM LAZY! Therefore I'm unsuccessful. Plus, I don't have much faith in my abilities and intelligence. I'm always afraid that I won't remember crucial things based on the fact that it doesn't interest me or I only half listened to the details.
Like... my sister Jenny. She's a pharmacist. She has to remember all these drugs and how they affect people, or how they interract with other drugs... and I couldn't possibly do that. It's so over my head. And I don't know if it's because I am not interested in chemistry and drugs.. and that sort of thing.. or if it's because I'm not as smart as she is. Or maybe I don't have the memory she does? I think of all those things and my mind goes blank as if I'm placing too much pressure on it.
And then I think of my dad and how he knows all these tax issues.. how he understands mortgages, insurance, financial stuff... and I get scared. I mean, what would I do without my dad? I don't understand insurance or anything like that. It, too, is way over my head. I tried to understand it all.. to understand taxes and what-not.. but damn. It's as if all that information they told me about that stuff went in one ear and out the other. I just don't get it!
Then there's my brother... who can sit down and memorize Trivial Pursuit cards. He can read something that he's passionate about and remember everything written about the topic. He understands politics and the makings of the government and stuff.. and everything in relationship to that won't stick in my mind either.
And my mom is so creative. She has the neatest ideas. I've never known anyone as skillful as she is. She can fix any house problem... can decorate any place in the world and make it comfortable.. can create things out of nothing and make it into something so spectacular and educational. And I often wonder what in the world I'd do without her. I mean, she's the one who fixes my toilets, who can make the bed as well as a man or woman in the army, who fixes my mistakes when I get paint on the ceiling and not just on the wall... and all that great stuff.
And then there's Angie.. so outgoing and social. She's always the life of the party.. always has opinions on everything.. always knows what to say and when to say it.. knows how to take care of people. She could take on anything and be successful at it.
Ahh... why can't I be like the rest of my family? It's starting to piss me off that I can't find something that I love so much that my brain absorbs all the information it can about it... that I look forward to waking up every morning knowing that I have that something to wake up too.
Where do my passions lie? And why are they hiding from me?
Just updated my opinionated blog... ha ha ha!
Ah, God... I am completely running out of things to say. Perhaps it's time I ran out and got myself some sort of life that isn't as boring as this one. I've been doing Figgerits at my desk for the last hour in-between posting things to say and answering the phone. I'd go get some work to do, but I'm waiting on Esther to show up so I can do the work in my office with no distractions.
It's a sad day in "Jessica's" life when everything I do revolves around work, my cats, and my family.
