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9:30 AM - Thursday, Sept. 09, 2004
It's in the way that you tease me...
Well, I think my wrist has finally healed enough that I can begin typing a lot again. YAY!!! And boy, do I have a lot to say.

Let's see. We'll begin with whatever comes to mind first.

I woke up at 5:30 AM this morning and stumbled to the bathroom. The huge bruise on my tricep is still there. It looks like somebody took a baseball bat and smacked me hard, hitting me on the back of my right arm. I still haven't a clue how I got the bruise. Anyhow, I went back to bed after taking a piss and curled up into my feather pillows. I woke up again about 6:30 AM thinking, "I need to reschedule my doctor's appointment, call for a refill on my prescription, and remember that I have a chiro appt tonight. I need to buy some cat food, cat litter, and pay my bills." And the thoughts just go on and on. Normally I take care of these things right away but lately I've been feeling extremely lazy towards them thinking, "Oh, it can wait one more day." I know this weekend I'll be like, "that's it. I'm doing it now!" And then I'll get it all done in a half-an-hour. Besides this, I rolled around on my bed trying to fall back asleep and eventually did. I ended up crawling out of bed at 8:00 (but only because if I didn't get out of bed at 8, I wouldn't have time to take a shower before going to work).

Yesterday I went to lunch with my Aunt Patty, her daughter Kristin, and my grandparents. We went to Old Chicago. Afterwards, we ended up at the mall so that Patty could look for a dress to wear to Esther's wedding. I ended up staying at the mall with them until 4:30. Ack! Talk about a major cringe factor. Ha! But I didn't get into trouble. Woohoo! Then, after returning to work for awhile, I ended up going to my parents house for dinner. They've taken the jeep for a couple of days. Okay. For the entire weekend. But since they pay for everything regarding the upkeep of the Jeep, who am I to complain? My dad took me on a jeep ride to show me the 10 acres behind the half acre the house is built on. He wanted me to see the land he now owns. Who would have thought that my parents would own 10 acres of country land? I never would have imagined it.

Cory called me the night before last. He was a bit drunk, but I like talking to him when he's a bit tipsy. He talks more openly about his feelings, as if he has to be a bit tipsy to feel emotionally uninhibited. If that makes sense.... I'm the same way, so it makes complete sense to me. He kept saying that he doesn't think he's good enough for me, that I deserve somebody better. The ironic thing is, I think the same thing about myself in regards to him. I think he can do a million times better than me.

I just have one thing to say to him. I know he'll understand it because he understands me.

If you need a reason why
It's in the way that you move me,
and the way that you tease me
the way that I want you tonight.
It's in the way that you hold me
in the way that you know me
when I can't find the right words to say
you feel it in the way.

Oh, it's now 10:19. Time for me to make a wish. *makes a wish* Let's hope it comes true.

Cory also called me yesterday while I was leaving the mall. And then he called me again while he was at work last night. I have to admit, it definitely helps me fall asleep at night when he calls to say goodnight. I think it's partially because I know he's okay. I tend to worry about that a lot, whether or not he's okay. I seem to always want to know he's doing good.

Casey called me twice yesterday. Once while I was at work to tell me that his brother was in town for awhile so he'd be calling a bit less, and once while I was at the mall having a Strawberry Julius with my grandpa. The second time he called, I think he expected me to be jumping with joy at the news he had. He said, "Looks like I might just end up in Kansas. KU's #38 out of 100 for top law schools in the U.S." I told him that was pretty cool, and that it was definitely exciting news. I know for a fact that he would be a lot happier in Lawrence than down in Alabama. Lawrence is a town made up of people who are extremely different than the rest of the human population. It's been called "the Berkley of the Midwest". I like to say it's the Midwest's version of Seattle. It's full of hippies, people into grunge, and the eccentric. Did I spell that right? I think if he's looking for a place to belong, he'd belong with the people there. As for me, I've changed. I wouldn't belong there even if I tried.

Let's see.. is there anything else? I can't think of anything else right now. It's like my mind went blank. Of course, I could complain about the phones. They keep ringing. And ever since the company decided to build it's own building, we've gotten a ton of calls from salesmen. I just want to say, "look, we're not interested so take us off the damn list." I would hate to be a saleswoman. I absolutely can't stand salesmen. They are way too good at acting as if they really think you're something special. If it wasn't an act, I'd be flattered. Since it's an act, I'm disgusted.

I bought a red bracelet to wear at all times. It's to remind me to eat, to not eat, and when I do eat.. to eat healthy. Now, don't be thinking I'm doing the whole anorexic thing because I'm not. Sure, I've dabbled a bit in bulemia before, but after waking up the next day with a throat more sore than any aching muscle, I quit that. Besides, I don't want to wake up one day and find myself losing my hair or finding out I'm now going to experience severe osteoperosis. No bulemic diet plan is worth sacraficing my bones and hair for. And I'm not very good at starving myself. I think it all goes back to high school when I used to go for weeks without eating and would get the worse dizzy spells. I lived off of sucking on jolly ranchers and chewing bubblegum. It's a lot like alcohol. I used to be able to drink everything and anything to the point of blacking out... and now I can't drink the hard stuff at all - and when I do drink the light stuff I can only handle 2 glasses at the most. I think my body is rejecting starvation and alcoholism. Good body! I'm so proud of it. Not. Okay. I'm proud of it, but I'm not proud of what it looks like yet. But then again, I keep comparing myself to the models who are a size 0 in all those women magazines.

Have I rambled on enough here? I think I'm going to quit typing for now and get to work. I need to go work out at the Y this evening for at least an hour. I'll be by myself this time so I want to go before it gets dark. I hate being out by myself in parking lots when the sun goes down.

 

 

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