10:10 AM - Thursday, Aug. 25, 2005
listen to the voices scream
I don't know what is up... but I think Casey may think we're back together again or something. He's taken to calling me "baby" on the phone, and has attempted to call me every night so far this week. I'm afraid to ask him if he thinks that because what if I'm wrong? But then, I don't want him thinking we are together when we're not. Maybe I should play it by ear for awhile because either way.. it's going to be difficult figuring this thing out.
It's not that I wouldn't mind being in a relationship right now. It's that I don't want to be with someone who hurt me really bad in the past. And not only that, but I really hate being called "baby" almost as much as I hate being called "babe." The terms are so generic. I think they're used way too often in relationships that tend to be short term in nature. It makes me feel like the experience is nothing but a one night stand.
But how am I supposed to handle this dilemma? Be like, "hey.. look.. please don't call me baby. That feels so freaking odd." ????
I'm on the defensive here. A part of me says, "He's changed. Give him a second chance. See where it takes the two of you." Then there's the part of me that's screaming inside my head, "He's lonely. He's only going to use you again. Once he finds somebody else, he'll do what he did to you last time all over again. And where will that leave you? Crying inside your shower for another month all over again!! Don't listen to his sweet talk. It's all lies!" So far the screaming voice has won out and my emotions have remained in check and distant.
It's starting to storm outside. I'll update this page later. Promise.
