3:03 PM - Friday, Sept. 02, 2005
Is my ass getting fat?
Today is Ryan and Allen's birthday. HAPPY BIRTHDAY GUYS!
Last night was something else. On my way home I talked to Casey on the phone... and the reasons we were hanging up the phone is because his minutes didn't coincide with my time. He said he'd call me back when his free minutes kicked in. But before we hung up the phone... besides the fact that he called me Baby!.... he said to me, "Hey." And I said, "what?" And he said, "I love you." And I thought to myself... "If you really loved me, then you wouldn't demand that I come up there instead of you coming down here.. and if you really loved me, you wouldn't care about the minutes it costs you to speak to me... and if you really loved me, you wouldn't have been so cruel to me when we broke up!" But of course, I only thought those things.
And then I'm speaking to this guy.. we'll call him John Doe because he doesn't want to be known in this diary... as if the people who read these pages even know who he is anyhow.. but I digress. I promised I wouldn't write anything in here about our conversation, but I have to! And I have to only because thinking about the conversation now bothers the hell out of me. Anyhow, John Doe decided to turn our conversation into one about sex last night... when the entire time I'm avoiding the topic as best as possible. I swear. Men are such perverts! Every single one of them. I'll leave it at that. I won't mention what he said. I did promise not too.
Well, it's time to start the starvation diet. My father told me today I've put on a little bit of weight. That's funny. My clothes still fit. Where's this added weight at? My face? I don't see it... but then maybe it's snuck up on me gradually. So much for those stupid diet pills I bought. They haven't helped me out at all. I know it's wrong to take diet pills, but I can't help it. I have a love/hate relationship with food, a poor self-image, and my weight fluxuates so badly that it's like... if I don't take them, I'll probably end up severely obese or something. Argh!
Esther was rowing in the river this morning when her boat of teammates came across a dead body floating face up in the water. Makes me think of the dead body my sisters and I saw that had jumped from the balcony of the Marriott hotel. I wonder if the guy was murdered? I guess I'll find out if I watch the news.
Well, time for me to head out of here. I have a few things I want to get done here.
* and just so you know.. I'm not avoiding the topic of Hurricane Katrina. I'm just still absorbing it all, wondering what in the world to do with all the information.
