3:42 PM - Friday, Sept. 23, 2005
A wise old tin man once said...
What is that old saying from the Wizard of Oz? "Now I know I have a heart because it's breaking." I know the Tin-man said something along those lines. I should look it up since I'm on the internet, but I'm too lazy.
I woke up with puffy eyes this morning and an intense headache. Such is the way my mornings go when I cry in the middle of the night. I cried for many reasons. I cried because he's hurt. I cried because to some degree I felt betrayed. I cried because I had so much hope and faith in a situation.
I was talking to Esther today on our way out of class. I was approached this morning by a man named David who perhaps has one of the most beautiful smiles I've ever seen. I was sitting in the lounge waiting for class to start and reading my book. He comes up to me and he says, "Hello! Are you waiting for classes to start?" I said, "Yes. Yes, I am. How about you?" He said, "I have computer lab in about ten minutes. By the way, my name is David." I seem to attract Davids. Anyhow, I said, "Hello, David. My name's Jessica." And he said, "Jessica... nice. So what class are you taking?" And the conversation rolled on from there. You see, I've noticed this guy every morning since school first began. We've passed each other numerous times in the hallway, and this morning.. for some odd reason, I decided that this time I was going to smile at him. And I did. And that's when he approached me.
I told Esther about the encounter and it brought me back to a time and place when I met this man named Edmund my first year in the dorms at ESU. David reminds me a bit of Edmund, except Edmund was thirty-five and I was 19. Edmund brought me flowers and tried to woo me... but I didn't want to be with a man that age. My parents would have freaked out on me. So I stopped the relationship before it could even become a relationship. Well, anyhow... I'm closer to thirty than I was to 18/20 now so knowing Edmund now.. I probably would have been delighted to receive his advances these days. I completely forgot about him until this whole thing came into being.
Anyhow, I called Ryan after I got off the phone with C. this morning. Ryan told me six months ago C. was obviously in some kind of relationship with another woman. That's why this doesn't particularly upset me. I knew it all along. I had that feeling deep down. And after finding out the truth last night, it all makes complete sense now. All the pieces have been put together.
Gotta go. Time to take the deposits and hit Curves.
