12:22 PM - Thursday, Oct. 13, 2005
Inside My Head
Comet threw up this morning. Twice. The last time I had a cat throw up on me more than once, she fell over in the hallway and died on me. John says I'm paranoid, that Comet's not dying, that maybe she ate a bug or something. Dear God, I hope she just ate a bug. If Comet dies on me, I'll think I'm cursed. Seriously cursed!

I couldn't wake up this morning for the life of me. I even went to bed early. John called me every hour on the hour as my official alarm clock, but that didn't even help. I still rolled over and fell fast asleep. I had some really strange dreams, too.

The first dream consisted of my family going on some road trip type of deal. Even all my cousins were there. Also, a bunch of strangers who weren't related to me were taking up seats in this double decker type van, but that's beside the point. Comet and Haley were there. Comet overheated. I had to find her fan to lay down on so she wouldn't die on me. For some reason, even though Comet is a girl cat, she kept turning into a little boy off and on. When my mother took Comet and got rid of her at some fair, I had to run to this fair (which ended up being an animal adoption center in disguise) to save her. And I pulled her into my arms and said, "I'm never leaving you again. I love you. Don't you forget that. I would never abandon you."

At that moment, my official alarm clock went off. So then after I fell asleep a second time.....

My family and I were at a Jim Brickman concert all sitting in a row. In our row was a man passing out flyers asking us to help his son. His son looked like he was four years old. What we had to do was sign these papers and say that we agreed he should receive his high school diploma. I'm thinking, "he can't be in high school. He's only four years old." Turns out, he was a 16 year old who suffered from some disease. I was going over the papers and found a ton of mistakes. I was correcting them when the family, for some odd reason, was thrown out of the concert. Then my family was thrown out because we were causing a disturbance - when in reality we were fighting with some other family. My sister, who ended up being Lucy Camden from Seventh Heaven, said some choice words and then said, "just let me finish putting this last stitch in..."

And then my official alarm clock went off.

Fell back asleep... I'm in my room at my parent's house. I'm living there and looking for clothes to wear. I have an outfit I want to wear but I can't find it. I'm going through the two closets in that bedroom searching high and low but I can't find it. And then suddenly I'm back in that second dream and I'm running from the family that we argued with. They want to kill us all.. but we outsmart them somehow. I don't remember how... but one guy had copies of my social security card, my driver's lisence, my birth certificate, and I started screaming at him. He only had them for me, not the rest of my family.

Finally, I woke up again and that was the end of that.

Time to head to work now....

Note: I wrote this back in '99 when my dreams were filled with my trauma. I had a dream about a woman who was at home making herself something to drink before going to bed. She was on her way up the stairs when a figure loomed over her. She screamed. The odd thing was, that figure was me. Then, we were in her bedroom. It was raining outside. I was watching like a spectator as she was being raped and stabbed. The next morning in the dream, she was dead.

Let me take you to my dreams
Listen to the voices scream
Watch the light fade into dark
Can you hear the echoes bark?

I can see his shadow coming
I can hear his footsteps drumming
He is there, I sense the danger
I can't tell if he's a stranger.

There he is beside my bed
Slipping down inside my head
No, I scream but he keeps going
And I watch for I am "knowing."

See the lady dressed in white
Bet she's dead in dreams tonight
Murdered, stabbed and slowly raped
That's the way my dreams are shaped.

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