4:35 PM - Monday, Nov. 07, 2005
Just thinking...
Nobody gonna love me better... I'm gonna stick wit' you forever. Nobody gonna take me higher.. I'm gonna stick wit you.. You know how to appreciate.. I'm gonna stick wit' you my baby.. Nobody ever make me feel this way... I'm gonna stick wit' you...
I spent my weekend cleaning, sleeping, and thinking. The majority of my thinking revolved around David, and I'm not even sure why. I went an entire year without thinking about him and all of a sudden his memory has been thrust back into my life. I tell myself the relationship wasn't long enough to have any significant meaning, but it obviously did if I can't escape the thought of him. I think it has a lot to do with how he treated me while we were together.
The conversations that lasted hours. Working together on crossword puzzles. Watching the History and Discovery channel late into the night. The roses. The CDs made and sent. The Music.
The music. Casey touched me with music. He used to sing to me on his guitar. David touched me with music, too. He turned me onto music I didn't know existed. He created CDs for me of his favorite music. He made a set of three CDs that detailed a trip the two of us would take together across Europe. He was the epitome of romance - the kind of romance I think I'm seeking in a life partner. Of course, I can't seem to function properly right now so who knows if I'll ever find a life partner.
I must be confusing. One day I'm saying I'm never getting married or into a relationship whereas the next I'm crying over the fact that I can't find somebody... I just don't want to be in a relationship until I can feel inside again. It's not fair to the guy if I can't return the feelings.
I wonder if I'm waiting for somebody to sweep me off my feet with kind gestures, someone who makes me blush when they look at me. I don't know. I wish I could figure it out.
Goota Scoot.
