9:30 AM - Tuesday, Sept. 21, 2004
Rescue Me
I can't believe it. Target's pharmacy is cheaper than Walgreen's and Wal-Mart's. And their pills come in cute little red bottles. RED! Red bottles! I love Target! And they gave me a gift certificate... and if I apply for a Target credit card, I get 10% off every Pharmacy purchase. I absolutely LOVE Target! I can't wait until they open up near my house.
Oh my god!!!!!! I got a card from my best friend in the entire world. Jen has contacted me to let me know she's still alive. Could this day get any better? I sure hope so! And she's given me her updated phone number. I'm going to call her tonight as soon as I get home. I need to write her a long letter. I think I'll do that, too. I think if I go anywhere on vacation, I'll go to Wyoming to see her. I need to see her. Oh, she's so nice. She's just told me that she's positive my house is beautifully decorated because I'm talented in that area. How sweet is that?? And the good thing is, she's still painting. I'm so glad to hear that. She's far too talented an artist to let the talent go to waste.
I actually got some sleep last night. Of course, I didn't fall asleep until 1 AM. I stayed up watching Court TV. I'm becoming quite addicted to that station. I love watching the Forensic teams solve crimes... and I definitely love the series Cold Case Files. I wonder what my obsession is with murder mysteries. Even when I was little I was fascinated by unsolved murders.
I did play my Sims 2 for a little bit. I recreated the family I was playing with because for some reason Cory's and my children wouldn't do their homework and social services took away every child we had together. I didn't like that. Especially when they took our toddler Joseph. I mean, come on. Joseph wasn't even old enough to go to school! We had three boys together: Jason, Joshua, and Joseph. All of them had Cory's brown hair, while only two of them had his blue eyes. The other child was blessed with my brown eyes. (ha ha!) So when I recreated them, I made Jason and Josh teenagers and Joseph a little boy. Then I added in two little girls for spice because I wanted to have a little girl. Plus, I left it possible for us to have another child... and when Josh and Jason grow up and move out.. we can have even more. The little girls I named Christina and Caitlyn. I've always wanted a Caitlyn.. and Christina I named after my good friend Chris. Jason is named after Cory... and I just went with the whole J thing where the boys were concerned. If we have another boy, it'll probably be something like Jake or John... and if we have another girl it will be Caroline, Carolyn, or Claudia. My god. I need to get a life.
Anyhow, we live in a two story house with a swimming pool... and the coolest thing about the house is that I designed it myself and built it to my specifications for this particular family. I really need to find a way to get into architecture or interior design because that's my favorite part of this game... and it makes me happy, and I'm not very happy with life.
I think if I play the game tonight, I'm going to go work on building the homes for the Brady's, Bundy's, Huxtables, and Keaton's. I know I was going to do mainly 70s shows for this themed neighborhood, but I couldn't remember most of the 70s character names. Hell, I am a child of the 80s. What does one expect?
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately... Mainly about the direction my life is headed. I am not living a quality life. I'm not truly living and it bothers me. Of course, to do the things I want to do in life requires a lot of money... and that's something I don't have right now. I should never have bought a house. It's strapping me for cash big time. The only plus side to the home is the garage, access to a basement for tornado season, and the fact that it is an investment... but still. I see people my age who are single like me living it up in the coolest ways possible. I see them going off to Europe, even. And then the characters in all my fiction books who are like me are all living it up pretty well, too. Ah, to hell with life. I just need somebody to rescue me.
I've been doing this thinking ever since Cory pointed out the fact that I'm not living the life of a real single individual. It's odd when people slap you with the truth. I think it's spun me into a slight depression. I'm wasting my youth away. I am definitely running away to Europe next summer no matter how much it costs me. I need to go to Scotland, England, and Germany. If I don't do at least that one thing with my life, I will regret my past forever. Sure, I know the only way to change the facts is to act on changing them... but I'm one of those people who runs around clueless never knowing what direction to take until the opportunity is smack dab in front of my face. And only then do I just take a plunge and hope I land on my feet.
I keep praying at night to my grandparents who have passed away. I keep praying for them to give me some sign, some sense of hope, some realization that helps me get through this life. I don't know if they've answered yet or not... or if I'm not praying hard enough.
Last night I had the craziest of dreams. My cousin Kathy who had passed away this summer was in the dream. She's been in a couple of my dreams lately, come to think of it. And all the dreams have been rather strange. Anyhow, I can only seldom remember the first dream so I'll just go straight to the second dream so I don't confuse myself.
In this dream, my family was over at my house. I remember I kept locking all the doors, and making sure they were securely locked. I kept making sure the blinds and curtains were drawn because I was afraid people were watching me. And during this dream, I looked out the window. There across the field was a tornado. In fact, there were dozens of tornadoes coming from all directions. That reminds me. I need to look up tornado in a dream dictionary. Anyhow, in the dream there were dozens of them. Literally. Just coming from out of nowhere and flying towards my house. And I remember dreaming that it destroyed my home and swept away my car... and I don't know. It was just extremely strange and depressing.
Well, one site said this:
Tornado
If you dream that you are caught up in a tornado, or see other people in one, or you are in danger from a tornado, then you will find all your well laid business plans come to naught and failure will dog your footsteps until you do something to change your chances of success; more education, better training or so forth.
Another site said this:
Seeing a tornado in your dream, suggests that you are experiencing some extreme emotional outbursts and temper tantrums. Is there a situation or relationship in your life that may be potentially destructive? Dreaming that you are in a tornado means that you are feeling overwhelmed and out of control. You will be met with a series of disappointments for the next week or so. Your plans will be filled with complications. Seeing several tornadoes in your dream, represent people around you who are prone to violent outbursts and shifting mood swings. It may also symbolize a volatile situation or relationship.
At least it's not sleep paralysis. Now that's not fun at all. Last time I suffered from sleep paralysis, I ended up in the kitchen doing something (no, I wasn't sleep-walking). It was a true Out of Body Experience. Completely freaked me out, but eh.. whatever. My entire existence freaks me out. If I'm not experiencing some strange OBE, I'm having a sensitive charge of knowing what's going on with my close friends at that specific moment. And sometimes I swear I hear them say my name when it turns out that they were only thinking about me at that particular moment in time. I'm getting used to it. My ability isn't as strong as a psychic's, but it definitely freaks some people out as it does me on how accurate it can be. I'm a freak. Le sigh!
I am so depressed right now.
Anyhow, I better get to work before I get further behind here.
