1:17 PM - Monday, Jan. 02, 2006
New Year's Resolutions
Well, I tried. Really, I did. But I don't think WB wants to be friends beyond the internet. Honestly, I think it's because he doesn't know what I look like yet. He's probably afraid I'll be some horrendously ugly person who weighs something like 500 lbs. No offense to people who do weigh that much, but if I even hit 250 lbs I'd shoot myself. (Not literally. I'm not into suicide. It doesn't really suit my style.) And if I was horrendously ugly, I'd probably beg my father for money to get some plastic surgery done pronto! Even if it hurt my parents feelings because.. I mean.. after all, we look like our parents. Thank God my family is very good looking. Once again, no offense to the world of ugly people out there...
So anyhow, I decided to list my NY's Resolutions here for today's entry since nothing has really happened since yesterday's entry. Just so you know, Audrey does get to go home from the hospital today, and my Grandma is doing extremely well... Now on with the resolutions!
Jessica's Resolutions for 2006
1. Begin Savings account for European Trip to Scotland and Germany
2. Reach a weight between 115 & 120
3. Sell my car and put the money towards my house
4. Paint my bedroom and laundry room walls
5. Get straight A's for the Spring Semester, and
6. Accept the things I cannot change and change the things I can.
So, there's only 6 items on my list. I think that's pretty good, especially if I take them seriously (which I am most determined to do). I have high hopes for this year. It's going to be a great year, because I am going to make it a great year. YAY!
On to other news.... I think Casey is determined to marry me. The other day he was writing my name down with his last name and asking me, "how does this sound?" I wasn't sure how to respond to that. I mean, how do you tell your ex-boyfriend that he's still an ex and nothing more? I could be blunt about it and remind him that we are "just friends." Yes, I think that's what I'm going to have to do. Devastating, really.. I'd hate to hurt his feelings.
You may be wondering why I don't just jump back into a relationship with him. I'll tell you why. He cheated on me. Ran off with some other girl named Dee. Then two years later after my relationship with David ends, he tries to slide back into my life as if nothing happened. We had it out about a month ago. I told him I could never trust him again after what he did to me. He tried the usual tactics. "I was scared." "I was falling in love with you and I didn't know how to deal with it." "I messed up." And the best one of them all, "I love you." Since I never say it back, he's always like, "Don't you love me?" Or he'll make comments like, "You don't love me. You hate me." Talk about ways to get on somebody's nerves.
Who does he think I am? Some naive child who is going to believe this bullshit? He had his one chance. He lost it the moment he broke my heart. It took me almost a year to get over him, and when I finally did I found David. And then what happens? David does the same damn thing to me that Casey did. I tell you, I'm cursed when it comes to love. At least David cheated on me with the woman he's marrying. At least I can say that much.
So why am I friends with Casey still? Why did I send David the annual Christmas card? Good question. Maybe I'm a glutton for punishment. Or maybe deep down I still care even though I'll never allow myself to care the way Casey wants me to care for him again.
Well, would you look at that? I just went on a tangent there and I didn't mean too. And I bet my food that's waiting for me in the microwave has gone cold, too. Great. Just great.
