12:18 PM - Monday, Sept. 27, 2004
Hurry boy! It's waiting there for you.
Well, I am now entering into my lunch break hour... I made a list of things I must get done. It always seems to make me feel better when I write it all out and cross the things off my list. I must be an organized freak. It helps me worry less about getting the things done for some reason... like.. if I don't write them down, I'll forget to do them, but this way I'll remember so it's okay to wait awhile.
Let's see.. how did my weekend go? After I left work here on Saturday, I went to Wendy's and ordered me a Frosty. I decided that I deserved it because I haven't had any ice-cream in what seems like forever. Then, afterwards, I ended up back at home cleaning house and watching my Cold Case Files. I am SO addicted to that show, it's not funny. You know it's bad when you're watching it, and you come across reruns. That's how bad it's gotten for me. Casey tried to call, but he tried when I had fallen asleep... and once while I was on the other line with Ryan. Ryan and I talked for awhile, which is nice. I haven't heard from him in awhile. After I got off the phone with Ryan, I unplugged my bedroom phone, and the answering machine. I slept straight through the office and kitchen ringers. I must have been tired.
Sunday was my lazy day. I slept in until noon, woke up and lounged around the couch doing my Variety Puzzle games and watching some show on Comedy Central. Oh yeah.. it was Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure, a movie I haven't seen in ages. Then I cleaned out my garage. I think I'm going to paint my garage soon. The walls are completed... might as well. I just need a tall ladder. Some paint would help, too. But, back to Sunday... Brian and Angie dropped off some pizza for me to eat since they had 2 slices of pizza left over from supper.
After I ate that, I received a phone call from Nic. We talked for awhile until he had to run off to do something for his dad. And then he called me back later on that night. We spent the majority of the second conversation putting him into my Sims game. He now lives in my neighborhood, and his roommate is named Ashley. Ashley is a spinoff character that's a combination of my cat and I. This character is striving to be popular, and wanted a job in the Politics career path. I gave it all to her. I made her look exactly like my Jessica character.. except instead of giving her blonde hair, I gave her brown.. and instead of brown eyes.. I gave her blue like Ashley's. Nic's character is named Andre, and he's in the Criminal career track. He's more serious than Ashley.. but they seem to balance each other out. Right now they're just roomies, but who knows? Maybe they'll become more. I know that Nic, who wants to earn a fortune, is already hitting it off really well with the maid Lucy. In fact, they're hitting it off so well that Nic might just woo her into his love bed. Ha ha ha!! I can't wait to see him get it on with the maid.
Here... I'll post my Sim Blog for Nic since I can't seem to figure out how to let other people view the page yet...
Monday , September 27, 2004 @ 10:48 am
I have over 20 homes in my Pleasentview neighborhood, and I plan to fill them all up. Right now, I just finished creating two characters I think I'm going to like a lot. As of right now, they are roommates: a man named Andre, and a woman named Ashley. Andre represents a friend of mine named Nic, while Ashley is a combination of myself and my cat (whose name is Ashley).
Ashley is striving really hard to be popular and has chosen a career in politics. Andre, on the other hand, is a more serious guy. He's aiming for a lot of money, and thinks he'll get his fortune by becoming a criminal.
Already, the two roommates have met quite a few people in the neighborhood. Of course, Ashley wants to know them to further her career and satisfy her need to throw parties. Since the two live in "Helluva Hacienda", it shouldn't be too hard. It's the ultimate party house! And we all know that Andre wants to know them so he can check out their goods. He's going to have to definitely rob the Roomies, Maria and.. Oh, I forgot her name! What's-her-name has already gone so far as to swipe Ashley and Andre's garden gnome. But what she doesn't know is that Andre saw the whole thing. Andre's aiming for some payback... and soon!
Ashley has hit it off with Mortimer Goth, but he hates it when she attempts to play with him. He doesn't seem to like being tickled. Maybe Ashley needs to hit on a man more her age?
Andre has a keen eye for beauty and it's aimed at Lucy, the maid. He even went so far as to tip Lucy $5. However, he didn't get what he expected from her... she just told him, "Thanks!" Poor Andre. Maybe he'll get some off of a different maid?
We'll just have to wait and see what happens.
- - -
If anyone figures it out.. it's somewhere at The Sims 2 under my Sim screen name: neverbeen2kansas. Clicking on the link will open up a new window, just so you know. I do plan to upload screen shots.. but I have to be at home on my computer there to do that.
Nic and I talked until 2:30 AM. Then I went straight to sleep right after the phone conversation. I didn't wake up until 9:00 AM, though. Not because I went to bed so late, but because I forgot I had set my alarm for 9:00 to wake me up Saturday morning. I didn't get into any trouble with the bosses, but still... if I worked anywhere else.. I'd be fired by now. I realize that. That's why I've decided to turn over a new leaf and attempt to appreciate the positive aspects of this job. Like the bonuses, the fact that I can take off for my doctors appointments and hair appointments whenever I make them, how I get to leave early if I have certain things I'd rather be doing (within reason), and that.. on the days when I oversleep or I'm having trouble being on time (which is a lot)... I don't get yelled at or reprimended. And it's been nice lately. I do my work and most of the people leave me alone. The only one who bothers me these days is Mark, but that's a given. He's my boss and he's meant to bother me and give me work. I can handle that... as long as it remains mostly him, Brian, Brad S., David J., David W., and Dad who interrupt me for something... I'll be good. Real good.
Well, I'm waiting on the people to leave the breakroom so I can get my lunch and heat it up in the microwave. I wonder if they'll end up taking a 2 hour lunch again, though.....
It's now 1:10, and although the idea of food sickens me... I realize I need something in my stomach in order to function the rest of the day. I did eat a thing of yogurt between 9:30 and 11:30 AM, which filled me up quite a bit... However, that's not going to help me get through the next 4 hours. I don't want to eat too much for lunch because Megan's birthday party is tonight and I want a piece of cake. The cake will satisfy my sweet tooth I inherited from the father figure. He's gone off with Brian to go golfing all afternoon, btw. Hence the reason I'm spending more than hour typing this up.
Nic and I talked a tiny bit about David. I told him, "He's a dick." He brought him up. Had it not been for him bringing David up, I wouldn't have thought about him again. I hate to say that David's a dick when he really is quite a nice man... but then I think of how things ended... and well, he was an asshole during that time period. And the fact that he could so easily let go without even blinking twice just backs it up. Sure, I think about him sometimes. I can't help but do that. Everytime I see a Jeep Cherokee, or I cross paths with a bald, or almost bald man... I think about him. I don't miss him. Maybe a small part of me does, but for the most part, I don't miss him. I don't even wonder what he's doing or how he's doing.. I don't think I'll ever understand the justification for the way things turned out, but maybe it's best I never know the real reasons behind it all. I'm pretty certain he's forgotten all about me; and I know, in due time, I'll wake up one day and realize that I hadn't thought about him in 25 years or more. I can't wait for that day to hit me, but for right now... I'm just biding my time. I'm in no hurry to jump into any intimate relationship with somebody. I'm in no rush to become emotionally involved again. If the relationship with David taught me one thing, it's that there is a man out there for me, but I haven't met him yet. I haven't met him yet, because I'm not ready to find him or be found. I talked to Nic a tad about this too. He asked me if I was seeing anybody, and I told him no. He responds with a "Why not?" And I don't know if I responded.. or what I responded with. I can't remember! My mind is going.... Ack! He also asked me how Cory is and how things with him are going... and I said, "Cory is fine, and things are good." I didn't elaborate which is really not my style... but I realize some things about me that have changed recently. They are:
1. I don't openly talk about things as much as I used too, especially when it comes to my relationships with my friends.
2. I no longer feel comfortable going to the bathroom while on the phone with someone. I always say, "I'll be right back," or I turn on the faucet so they can't hear me pee.
3. I used to never say "bye" first when hanging up the phone. It was always the people on the other line. I'd wait until I heard them click off the phone before hanging up. Lately, I'm the first to say, "bye" and hang up. Sometimes, I don't even wait to hear them say goodbye.
4. I have no labido, and I even turned down Cory on Saturday morning. Of course, he was drunk so it probably didn't even phase him... but normally he's the one to say, "Not this time." Even if I don't feel like it, I usually give in to him in order to please him. But lately... it's almost as if I don't care if I get some or not, or give some or not. I'm just not in the mood to be sexual. Casey really wants me to be sexual with him, and I know that when I turn him down over and over again... he thinks I'm completely avoiding him and am showing my lack of interest in HIM in particular, but that's not the case. I think there's just something wrong with me.
I truly do. I think there is something totally wrong with me. I used to be extremely sexual ALL the time.. Growing up, I was infatuated with women, and crushed extremely hard on boys in my class. I had the biggest crush on a KU basketball player named Rex Walters back in the day... and in high school I went through so many crushes and boys that I felt like a whore. And now? Now, I feel like... I don't know how to explain it. I look at men and feel nothing. I look at women and feel nothing. It's been that way since the rape off and on... but only off and on. I'd always find my labido and attraction for someone sometime during the last five years, but I wonder sometimes if that was just me needing to feel in control of myself and my body.. and when I needed somebody, anything, anybody, to be there for that moment when I needed to be touched. Now days.. it's like that whole side of me is turned off. It's gone away. It's why I know I'm not ready to be in an intimate relationship with any man. I'm not ready for marriage. What kind of man would understand me? Could understand me and my moods? Could live with my past? Anymore, I think I need to feel a strong emotional attachment for someone in order to even feel anything sexual towards him. I mean, I get flirted with and I think, "when will this end so I can carry on with my day?" I get into deep conversations with men, they turn it towards sex, and I suddenly lose interest in speaking to them. I don't know. Maybe this is normal? I don't know! I can't evaluate it right now. Not here at work. It will make me cry.
Anyhow, I'm running out of things to ramble about so I might as well go read my People magazine instead.... ta ta for now.
Which also reminds me... I need to check my cox e-mail. I haven't checked that thing practically all month! Ack!!!
