11:05 AM - Monday, May. 29, 2006
Show me the money.
If you're reading this page and haven't read yesterday's entry.. do so. It ties into this entry.
Lately, I've been thinking about how I'm almost 29 years old. Less than six months away, I'll be entering into the last year of my twenties. I kind of find the idea scary. To me, when you hit 30, you're entering into a new era of adulthood. There's no turning back. You can no longer use the excuse that you are young and in your twenties.
And there's a whole new load of expectations that come with turning 30. I feel like I should live up to most of those expectations. Like... maybe I should be arriving to work on time instead of showing up a couple of hours late. Maybe I should start wearing professional clothing instead of showing up in shorts and a T-shirt. How do I expect people to take me seriously when I don't act seriously? It's been weighing on my mind lately, and I think I should start to do something about it. You know... start to act a little bit more my age.
Anyways.... my latest update on the Cory situation:
Early this morning I fell asleep around midnight. Or maybe it was more like one o'clock. I couldn't tell you for certain. I was just extremely tired. But I was also expecting the inevitable phone call. It came at around 1:30.
To make a long story short, I was bitched out. Again. It seems this happens everytime I ever open up my mouth and state a negative opinion about Cory's life directly to him. I listened to the same words I've heard a million times before in other phone conversations we've had. "I don't know what to do with you." "I would never say those things to you about your exes." And the list goes on, but you get my drift. I've learned to answer these statements with a simple, "okay" or complete silence. After all, he's making it sound like he's dealing with a child - and I stopped being a child a couple of years ago. Heck. I'm a year and a couple of months away from 30 - the age of complete adulthood. (Not that 30 suddenly turns you into an adult. I mean, look at him and Casey.) Oh, great. Now I'm going to be reprimended for saying that. Perhaps I should cut off my fingers or bite out my tongue?
I told him that I was tired and I was going to bed. I hung up the phone after a simple goodnight. In no way was I in the mood to deal with him. I had called Casey and Cory both up and apologized for my immature drunken behavior and told them that I was out of line for reacting the way I had. I wasn't about to spend the rest of the night apologizing.
He told me what I had said. Basically I said, "I hate hearing about Tessa. I hate the name Tessa. I hate everything about Tessa. I don't want to have anything to do with Tessa anymore." He took great offense to that. So much offense to it that after our first conversation, it wasn't even a minute later that he called me up to tell me he wanted nothing to do with me ever again. According to him, this was a sign of complete disrespect and he can't handle disrespect. My response was clear and to the point. I said, "Okay. Goodbye." And I hung up the phone and went back to sleep.
This morning when Haley woke me up, I thought a bit more about it. He's often threatened the end of our friendship. Before, I would try to salvage it with some dramatic display of affection. Last night is the first time I actually said "Okay. Goodbye." and hung up the phone. Does that signify a change in my emotions? Or maybe I'm finally so tired of the drama that I'm immune to all of this now.
I also thought about the word respect. He accused me of being disrespectful by stating my feelings towards how I'm constantly bombarded with hearing about Tessa. If he wants to know real disrespect, maybe he should remember how he treated me throughout 2005. The entire year was a complete disrespect to me.
Not only that, but he now owes me $1,300. I was going to chalk it up to charity and forget I had ever loaned him the money, but if he wants this friendship to be over, then I want my money back. Isn't that another sign of disrespect? When you don't pay your friends back?
I don't know. Maybe it's just me.
