2:50 PM - Sunday, Jun. 04, 2006
I'm so busy, my head is spinning.
I have to give up pop. Not only because it makes me dizzy when I drink it now, but because it's bad for me. It's going to be hard, and I'll probably suffer from bitchdom for a few days, but it must be done. I shall try really hard not to go postal on everybody or end up in some "lack of Dr. Pepper" induced coma, but this is the way it has to be. Please don't cry for me. I will be alright.
As for how well I'm taking life now that Casey and Cory have "dumped" my friendship.... well, that remains to be seen. I know that if I never speak to Casey again I'll be okay. The little bugger annoyed me most of the time.
Sometimes I wonder what I ever saw in him to begin with. Rye Rye often asks me why I was ever friends with him after what happened between us, and I always told him it was because I still cared for him even if I didn't love him anymore. Now I wonder if I did care for him, or if I was just being nice because its hard for me to be mean to people. I mean, they have to PUSH my buttons to the extreme just to get me to be pissed off enough to say something to them. It doesn't matter. The renewal of our friendship this last time made me realize exactly how immature he is and how much I've changed over the last 3 or 4 years. I don't need him in my life. He's one of those guys that needs constant reassurance that he's loved/liked. His low self-esteem always drove me mad because he wanted me to be his emotional crutch. I'm strong enough to be somebody's emotional crutch, but I don't want to be it.
And as for Cory? Well, in this case I am hurt. I am hurt that our investment into this friendship had to end so abruptly and in this way. When you think about it, it ended over such bogus reasons: my jealousy towards his emotions for some girl I don't even know, and his ability to take things and blow them completely out of proportion just because they hurt his feelings and ego.
I guess we haven't changed as much as we had hoped. Or maybe he hasn't changed as much as I had hoped. I do feel like I'm a stronger woman and I'm less likely to put up with bullshit, but I had honestly hoped that he had become less self-centered and selfish. I don't mean these terms to be harsh about his character. Most people are extremely self-centered and selfish when it comes to dealing with their emotions and life changing experiences. We're all guilty of it. It's not just him. Anyhow, it's just that.. right now... whether he realizes it or not... he's still absorbed into his problems to the point that he forgets about the other people in his life and how his problems may affect them, too.
I'm not going to call him. He doesn't want to speak to me ever again. I'll respect his wishes... but I do want him to know that I wish that I could help him through this period in his life, but I can't. I'm too emotionally invested in him, and it would only be an insult to myself to continue allowing this to hurt me.
Enough about the C's for now....
I ended up going and taking golf lessons. It was a family thing, you see. Besides, my dad told me "don't be such a poopy-head." Huh? Since when did my dad start talking like that? When I was relaying the experience to my mom because I found it so hilarious, she said, "you know where he got that from, don't you?" I didn't. So she told me he learned the word from my niece Megan. Figures.
Anyhow, we learned how to put correctly yesterday and to chip the ball from the fringe. I didn't do half bad. By the end of the lesson I was able to automatically place my hands on the putter and 8 iron correctly without having to think about it. I made quite a few putts, but I definitely need practice. Next lesson we are going to learn how to use our wedgers.
I'm hoping that if I enjoy this sport and do really well at it, my dad will finally start spending quality time with me again. And maybe he'll buy me some new clubs. Plus, my grandpa W. loved to play golf - and for some reason I feel that if I learn this game, it will keep me close to him.
I am extremely sore. I'm almost completely done with my spring cleaning. All that is left are my office closets. I came home on Friday night and found my mom had cleaned my entire house for me. She did the whole bit. She even started my laundry. It felt so good being in a clean house again that I completely tore apart my closets and dressers. I spent the entire night going through all of my clothes and being extremely picky about what I kept. And I mean extremely picky. So picky that by the end of the night I had 17 garbage bags full of clothes to give away. Yet, my dressers are still full, and my closet is half full. I definitely had way too many clothes for one person. I'm taking them over to Angie's house Monday night since the DAV drives by and does pickups every month on the 6th at her house.
All I have left to do besides the office closets is go through my millions of books. I need to get rid of the ones I'll never read again -or didn't like- and donate them to a library or something. I've decided that will be my project this month. The reason I'm not going ahead and just doing it right now is because I really am terribly sore, and the last thing I need right now is to lug 20-30 lbs of books around.
Oh, and I need to finish my basement, too. And the garage. And some other little things around the house. I can't do the little things yet because that's a job for Brian. It's hanging lights from my kitchen ceiling and some other things. I can't clean my garage yet until the furniture I'm storing for my cousins is removed... and the basement is basically my storage area for the time being so that's the very last thing I want to do anyhow.
Enough of the boring little updates about my spring cleaning and golf lessons. I need to get over to Target and buy some food. The only thing sitting inside my fridge is some bottled water. And that includes the freezer section, too.
Random THOUGHT by Jessica: I wonder how Claus and Anne are doing.. and when the baby boy is due.
