9:48 AM - Monday, Oct. 04, 2004
You're unbelievable.
I had a busy weekend. Actually, come to think of it, Sunday was the only busy day. I spent my entire Saturday in the house playing Sims and watching TV. I had the biggest headache, and I was completely congested. When I finally went to bed later that night (early for me), I couldn't sleep because my headache was ten times worse. It was like suffering from a migraine or something. I tossed and turned, climbed into the shower to see if maybe that would help.. but then I ended up only falling asleep after popping 2 Alieve, 2 Nyquil, and 1 claritin. Some people tried to call me, but I couldn't talk on the phone even if I wanted too. I was in dire pain. I also kept sneezing every 30 seconds. I'm not kidding! Every 30 seconds, I ahhchooo'd.
Sunday was my cousin Esther's wedding shower. Everyone showed up except those who lived too far away to make it. Oh, and Darci. Darci couldn't come because she had to work. It was a real nice shower. The kids played together real well, except for Megan. Megan was slightly rude. She ran off with the next door neighbor Samantha and left Sadie to play with the boys half her age.
Joe and I went fishing for a little bit. The only thing we found in the water was a bunch of moss, an old boot, and a clam. I can't believe that water had a clam in it, but there it was.. plain as day. Even in the murky brown water, you couldn't mistake the shell.
It was really nice spending time with my cousins. I love my family. I really do. I don't know what I'd do without them.
Anyhow, it turns out my Aunt Janna's boyfriend Andy is in jail right now. I shouldn't say boyfriend. It's more like her ex. He's a bit psychotic. He's a drunk, a liar, and very abusive. Janna's had to call the cops on him almost everyday all month *last month, of course* for some of the things he's done. In fact, she called 911 so much that the dispatchers would answer the phone with a "Hey, Janna.. What's up this time?"
He won't quit harrassing her or the rest of the family. He'll come and bang on their windows and doors, break into their homes and steal their stuff.. where he'll take it and sell it.. He even attempted to sell my Aunt's home that she lives in without her knowing it. And I guess he used to beat Janna up a lot. He would get mad at her for talking to her children and grandchildren. He'd tell her things like, "You aren't a strong woman. You're weak. Without me, you're nothing." And just.. completely destroyed any self-esteem she had.
If there's one thing I know about Janna.. it's that she's one of the strongest people I know. She has gone through so much during this life that many people wouldn't be able to live through. She's lost a husband and two sons, and she's gone through three different divorces. Losing one son would do most people in, I imagine.. but she's lost two of her boys. One committed suicide, and the other was murdered. And not only that, but she lost her first husband, too. He committed suicide. It's enough to cause a person severe depression.. And with the mental problems in my family... I'm shocked she still climbs out of bed and attacks the day ahead of her.
If only she would leave Topeka behind and move somewhere else for awhile. Perhaps a fresh start would be good for her. But... her friends are in Topeka. Her family is there. It would be hard to give up all of that in hopes that starting over somewhere new would help give you a new perspective on life.. a better one. And who is to say that the damage won't follow her there, because until she deals with the internal issues... the exterior environment won't improve. That's my opinion anyhow. I could be completely wrong.
My mom used to tell me I'd end up like Janna, meaning that I'd be her black sheep. I'd end up with 3 different husbands and a slew of kids from different men. And yet, here I am at 26... manless and childless. I wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that my mother insisted I'd marry the first the man who paid attention to me mistaking it for love. Or maybe.. she just didn't have enough faith in me.
My sister Jenny is a lot like Janna. Janna's daughter Jackie, my sister Angie, and my mom were talking in the kitchen yesterday about Janna's situation with Andy. I sat at the kitchen table doing what I do best... keeping my mouth shut and just listening. Angie made a comment to Jackie that Jenny's a lot like Janna. She can't go through life by herself. She always needs a man at her side.. even if that man doesn't treat her very well. I don't think I'll ever end up like that. I've gone a good four months so far being single.
Wow. Four months doesn't sound that long. Hmmmm... Well, I've gone 6 months without a relationship before. I can go longer. The point is, I don't just jump from one guy to the next. I don't make sure I have guy #2 waiting on the sidelines before getting rid of guy #1. I'm not like that. I won't let myself be.
I'm tired.
I think I'm going to end this entry here. I'm not in the mood to type anymore.
