Get your ow
n diary at DiaryLand.com! contact me older entries newest entry

2:39 PM - Monday, Jul. 10, 2006
That's Reality For You
I am so happy for Italy. Sure, I never watch the World Cup, and it really doesn't matter to me who wins or loses... but I know that Italy is important to Davy and Davy is important to me. And I know how happy Italy winning has made him so it's made me extremely happy. Right on, Davy. Right on! Go Italianos! Or something like that.


I went golfing with my parents and sister sibs on Saturday. We learned how to use our 9 iron. Now I have a blister on my right hand's ring finger and I had to remove a splinter from my right hand's index finger yesterday. How I ended up with a splinter is beyond me.... but the blister I can understand. And not only that, but I am now the proud owner of Jenny's hand-me-down clubs. Sure, the golf bag she gave me has a hole in the bottom, and the clubs are this really strange green color instead of red.... but beggars like me can't be choosers. No siree....

I'm going to have to go out and buy a golf glove. Blisters suck!


Oh, I have to update you on Cory. We're speaking again. Kind of. We decided to put everything "under the bridge," as he put it. I spoke to him briefly on the 4th of July but he hasn't returned my two phone calls since. I texted him this morning and asked him what the deal was, but have yet to get a response. I guess I'll have to either assume he's dead in some ditch somewhere, or that the only reason he wanted to put everything "under the bridge" is so he wouldn't feel guilty about never paying me back the money I loaned him.

It's not the money that matters to me. Granted, I can say that because I'm in a comfortable financial position. I'm not trapped in some dead end job making minimum wage or less like a good portion of American youths... and according to the national average, I'm actually making about $5-10k more than most college educated women my age (and that's at part time). And we're talking about the national average; not the Kansas average which is a lot less than the national average. I used to be pissed off that I wasn't making enough money, but now I "pity the fool" who gets paid less than their worth.

Damn it. Reality can be so depressing. How can anyone make ends meet living off of minimum wage? I feel like I had to scrounge my money living off of $40k, and it was only four years later and some extra funds from the Pops man that I was able to be comfy. If he didn't give me a monthly allowance, I'd be in the poor house. I'd probably be sleeping on a dirt covered floor with lots of nasty ass bugs. You know, like roaches or something? And I'd be living my fear. I'd have a place infested with mice. Eeeeeeeeeew! Thank God for the kitties.


Anyhow, back to the subject at hand... Cory still hasn't returned my phone calls so I'm guessing that he's pissed off at the fact that I'm obsessed with not only the greatest journalist alive.. Anderson Cooper -Ahem-... but a man who is basically physically unattainable. And it's not like I'm extremely obsessed with these two men, but I am hot for them. As Paris would say... "that's hot."


And sure, one of them is in my life in a huge way.. and we've talked every day since the day we met.. and we text message each other when we're not talking.. And you all know it's not my Anderson Cooper so it has to be the unattainable one. Now, this has really upset a lot more people than I thought it would but I can't seem to help myself. Rye Rye says I lack common sense, but, in my own defense, the chemistry between the two of us is hard core. But then, who knows what the future has in store for us. After all, he's unattainable.


I know I'm most likely setting myself up for a huge downfall and months of pain... Rye Rye thinks I'm out there breaking hearts again, but I think this time my heart is going to be the one broken. I'm trying to be careful and realistically rational, but the more I talk to this guy, the more attached I become.. and I can't seem to help myself. I often ask myself why I had to meet him now and why he's unattainable.. and he once asked me why he couldn't have met me earlier... Why now? Perhaps fate is playing a cruel joke on us, or maybe the future has something in store for us that's meant to be. I'm all up in the air with questions, but as my Pops man always says to me... "time will tell, Jessica. Time will tell." And so it goes. I do know that whatever happens in the future, I want him in my life in some way. Even though it's only been 2 weeks, he means that much to me already. That says a lot, I think.


As for Cory, I think of him sometimes but not in the way that you think. I wonder about him and what he's up too, much like a good portion of the friends I have that I don't speak to on a regular basis. I'd like to know that he's okay, even if we are no longer priorities in each other's lives. The days are over when I would drop everything for him... and strangely that fills me with a sense of emotional freedom I haven't felt in a long time.


Jessica's Random Feeling: I feel like the world has opened up to me and I'm about to enter into it for the first time. I feel like I suddenly have a world of new beginnings. I have never felt this feeling before in my life and I want to hold onto it for as long as possible.


 

 

previous - next

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at DiaryLand.com!