10:59 AM - Monday, Oct. 11, 2004
and this is what they said.....
Will wonders never cease? I've had the strangest time the last few days. Let's start with Saturday first even though I'm bursting to say something about my day today.
Saturday:
This is the day that Davy flew off to Cancun, Mexico. I wish I could have joined him, but like Adam always says... "Timing is everything." I hope he's having fun and enjoying himself. Oh, and that he likes their beer because Lord knows he won't be drinking their water.
This was also the day that my cousin Esther married the love of her life, Tony. They met a year ago on Saturday, and wanted to marry on that date. It was very important to Tony. And when they said their vows? Oh my god. Talk about a romantic. He made even me cry, and I never cry at weddings. I was able to see my cousins Andy and Mary, whom I haven't seen since last Thanksgiving. Mary's looking great. Heck, so is Andy. Andy has a new girlfriend named Shannon who seems really nice. They work together. He told me it's too early to tell where the relationship may take itself... which I assume means she's not the one. I mean, look at Esther and Tony. They knew right away they were meant to be together. Plus, it also helped that Tony fit right into the family. It was as if he's always been a part of our world. And Angie and Brian were the same way. So were my parents. They just knew. And Beth, Jenny's best friend.. she knew too. So I figure it was their time. It just isn't Andy's.
Anyhow, after the wedding on our way home the family listened to the KU vs. K-State football game. KU actually beat K-State. Oh my god! They haven't done that in 12 years. Talk about the coolest thing happening in like forever and a day! I actually enjoyed listening to the game on the radio. I normally prefer to be at the game.
Casey called that night. We talked for awhile, and then I played my Sims game.
Sunday:
I went to bed about 4 A.M., which was about the time I finished playing The Sims 2. I had to play it. I couldn't control myself. I created a whole bunch of teenagers and it was just awesome watching them interract with each other. I might have to go get help with this addiction someday... but I did real well later that day. I took a timer and set it for one hour.. and I forced myself to quit when that timer went off. It was all good.
I was going to work out with Jenny in the morning, but seeing that I didn't fall asleep until 6 A.M. (yes, two hours after I went to bed).. I decided not too. Plus, I was still trying to cure myself from the flu.. or whatever it is that's made me feel sick all day.
I went to bed about 11 PM and fell asleep. I think it helped that it was gray and rainy out all day. Rainy weather always makes me wanna sleep in.
Monday Morning:
Cory called me about 1 A.M. just to tell me goodnight. We talked for about thirty minutes or so, but then we both went back to sleep. He said the nicest thing. I told him about our sim characters (which I recreated as teenagers) and how his character keeps dreaming about mine. I can't remember exactly what he said, but it was something like, "Don't I know it." Or "That's the truth." Hell, I know he said something. What in the world was it? It made me giggle and blush. I do remember that. Gosh, I miss him right now.
Okay. So then I woke up this morning. It's still raining. It's going to be raining all day today. YAY! I do love the fall rain. Seriously... I do. Anyway, I get to work. I'm getting some things done.. and I remember Casey told me he sent me an e-mail.. so I log onto my e-mail. I received 6 letters of importance while I was sick. One came from my brother, one from my sister, one from Megan my friend, one from Allen, one from Casey himself, and lo and behold.. the shocker of all shocks. An actual bona-fide e-mail from David. Yes, a real letter from the man himself that was more than just a few sentences long.
Did that shock you? It shocked the hell out of me, but it mostly amused me. I didn't open it up right away. I was happy my heart didn't skip a beat like it probably would have four months ago. When I finally found the time to read it, I read it. It's proven. It is now fact! I knew deep down he had met somebody else and that's why he pulled away... and now I know it's true. He wrote me the e-mail on the 6th. I wrote him back today telling him that it was good to hear from him, and that I was happy to know that he's been keeping busy in a good way and that he's met somebody. I told him that even though our paths have taken us in different directions, I hoped he'd continue to keep in touch with me because I consider him a friend, and I care about him. We'll see if he does. He seems to feel guilty over the whole thing for some reason. He kept saying stuff back in May or June or whenever like, "I'd understand if you didn't want to talk to me anymore." And this time he said the same thing but added something like this to it, "I'm sure this news upsets you, and I understand if you didn't want to speak to me anymore."
Upset me? Only if I think about it too hard and in a shallow way. Only if I think, "Holy shit. What's wrong with me? First Casey breaks up with me so he can go out with somebody else, and now I know for a fact David did too." Of course, I don't blame them. The people they left me for were and are there in the physical. I'm just a random person on the telephone. Now that upsets me. But when it comes to actually think about the entire thing now... not yesterday or the day before but now... I'm not upset. Yes, I care about him. I no longer care for him in that way, though... and that's the huge difference.
Casey got together with Dee last night. This is the woman he left me for. Turns out she was cheating on him while they were together last spring. It upset Casey so much yesterday that he punched a hole in the wall. Now he's upset that he actually was capable of being that violent. I'm like... "look, you fell in love with her and she hurt you. It's understandable that you'd be highly emotional. Plus, you still care about her... and to find things like this out really hurts. At least you didn't take it out on her or your kitty or something." And in the back of my mind I'm thinking to myself, "Isn't it ironic that the very thing he did to me happened to him later on... yet he's telling me all about it as if he never did it to me?"
What does that say about me?
Then he changed the subject. This Dee character really did a number on him. He's got such low self-esteem now because of her... He was all like, "you never laugh anymore." I'm thinking, "what is there to laugh about? We're talking about how you slammed your fist into a wall." But he's right. I really don't laugh anymore. I probably don't smile. I mean, I don't really feel THAT bad... but that's probably the Prozac working at its best. If I weren't on that drug, I'd probably be lazier, moodier, and a hell of a lot unhappier.
He's called again. Just got off the phone with him now. It was a much better conversation. It wasn't depressing or down. We talked about men who cheat on women.. and women who cheat on men. I'm not going to go into detail there, but we both agreed that we were tired of being cheated on. Hell, who wouldn't be tired of that?
Okay. I'm gonna go now. Maybe I'll write something tomorrow that I can keep track of mentally.
