9:49 AM - Friday, Oct. 15, 2004
Macho... Macho.. Man.
Wicked. Truly wicked. My diary is linked up to Google.com. Somebody under my stats page looked up something about Mount Rushmore on a Google search and it brought up my tiny paragraph about Mount Rushmore. I wonder if they found what they were looking for? Ha! Ha! I highly doubt it. All I said was that it was amazing Mount Rushmore was probably going to blow. Or something. I can't remember what I wrote exactly. Now, I'm going to have to be certain not to mention last names in these pages JUST IN CASE one of those researchers is a sexual pedophile out to stalk some soon to be 27 year old woman.
Today is my best friend Jen's birthday. She's turning 29 years old. She's lucky that her birthday is falling on a Friday. Mine falls on Tuesday. What kind of party day is that? Not that I'd be going out and partying, anyhow. Birthdays don't seem to be as magical as they used to be. Maybe they were fun back when I was a child because of the presents I anticipated. Of course, half the time I didn't get what I wanted. That's what you get when you don't tell anybody what you want. The other half of the time I shared my birthday party with my Grandma W., because her birthday was on the 23rd. She and Grandpa would come up from Arizona and spend the entire week with us. I hated sharing my birthday with her back then, but now I miss her. I'm older now. I'd appreciate spending it with her a lot more these days. Sharing and presents? I can share now... and I'm not big on presents.
Today in the office we are celebrating Diane's birthday. Well, actually everyone else but Diana B. and I are. Diana B. isn't because she's not eating sweets, and I'm not because I wasn't invited. Talk about immaturity. It's like the other day when everyone went off to look at the new office building. Was I allowed to go look? If you guessed "no" then you're correcto-mundo. And Brian wonders why I'm depressed here all the time. Maybe it's because I'm treated as if I don't exist unless they need somebody to rag on or do something for them that a monkey could do? Could it be because my suggestions (all based upon experience) aren't even taken into consideration, let alone listened too? Not only do I have the burden of being the president's daughter... but I'm also burdened by the fact that I'm a girl working in a man's world.
They (as in grown-ups) always said, "you can grow up and be whatever you want to be." What they don't tell you is that it doesn't completely apply to women or minorities. I'd hate to know what kind of stuff women and minorities went through to become what they've always wanted to be. I know they had to struggle to prove themself. They have to be strong individuals. I'm strong. I'm just not "unsweet" enough (and possibly not driven enough) to be harsh and bitchy enough to get anywhere. I think I was made to be a mother, but I'm not ready to have children. I'm probably not ready to have children because I haven't met a man I want to have children with. At least, that's what everybody keeps telling me when they ask me if I'm in a relationship and I say, "No, I'm not. I'm not even looking nor am I ready to be in one." It's almost like it's taboo to be single, and if you are single... there's something wrong with you. Of course, everyone who meets me for the first time thinks I'm 16 to 18 years old... and they always say, "It's okay. You still have a lot of time left to meet somebody," as if there's a certain age you become when your time runs out. Sure, if I were living back in the 1800s, I'd be considered an old maid by now... but this is the 2000's.
Cory called me last night. We're both in kind of blah moods lately. He, Ryan, and Casey are the only three people I talk to on the phone right now. I'm the only person he wants to talk to on the phone right now. Even though he's not feeling all "Cory" like, he still wants to speak to me. I told him I wish he was here with me so we could curl up in bed together. I just wanted to lay my head down on his shoulder and feel his arms around me. I also told him that he's mine. "You're mine, Cory. Completely mine." His response was a chuckle. And I said, "Just like I'm yours. Completely." And he said, "I know." And I said, "I adore you, Cory." And he said, "I adore you, too." One day, I'm going to replace the word adore with love. I just won't do it over the phone. He deserves better than that. He deserves to hear the words in person for the first time.
Well, I've been away from my desk working.. and an entire day has gone by. I better just save this and hope I wasn't automatically logged out.
