12:08 PM - Friday, Oct. 22, 2004
I'm in the mood to destroy.
I was in the middle of reading a book last night that I had just started when it dawned on me that I've read the book before. A couple of years ago, actually... I kept thinking, this book seems very familiar. If this character does this, and that character does that... I've read this before. And what do you know? The characters did do what I thought they would do... so I skimmed to the back of the book to check out the ending, and yep. Sure enough. I've read the book before. It's too bad I remember a lot of the plot in books like that, so I can't really go back and reread them in enjoyment.
I decided to read another book, one I know I haven't read yet. It's called A Rip in Heaven, and it's a non-fiction story based in St. Louis about a murder and its aftermath. As I was reading it last night, it struck me how terrible some individuals can be towards other people - and yet they show no emotional empathy or guilt at the violation they have done. In the story, two of the characters are gang raped. Had this been a story of fiction, I would have cringed at the detail. Since this was a non-fiction story, I couldn't help but cringe and cry. A Rip in Heaven's Homepage
The majority of people always think, "Things like this will never happen to me." I think, "what if this happens to me?" What if I end up in a situation where I'm held hostage by a bunch of men who don't care if I live or die? They decide to humiliate me, forcing me to become nude, and then they take turns raping me. Would I fight back? Would I become numb with fear and become zombie like? Would I cry? Would I beg for my life and plead with them to not hurt me? I think about these things. I wonder if there are other people out there who do too.
Stupid bitch! Yesterday I made a comment in here about how I cannot communicate with this idiot. Here's the proof:
Yesterday afternoon she comes into my area and says, "You need to contact the Wichita Eagle and make sure they don't print the map of the legals you mailed them."
I mailed the Wichita Eagle some maps and legals? When did this happen? When my multiple personality Sophia took over?
"What legals and map?" I asked.
"The ones you sent them. David said to make sure they don't print the map."
"Uhm... okay," was all I replied.
Now remember, when this woman addresses me she talks to me in pure bitch-mode. If my brother were here, he'd be able to verify it. She treats him with the same disrespect. Jenny's never around to be treated this way, and of course she has to ass kiss Angie and my mom...
Anyhow, I call up the Wichita Eagle and I'm like, "This is Jessica with (insert company name), and I guess we sent you some legals this week along with a map to be printed this weekend. We don't need the map printed, just the legals. I can be reached at (insert phone number of business)."
Today, the Wichita Eagle returned my call. We verified what needed to be done. The entire time, I'm still unaware as to what legals we're talking about and what map the bitch indicated for me to prevent from being printed... and when we're done with our conversation, I go to the bitch and tell her that I just got off the phone with the Wichita Eagle, and they said they would only print the legals. And what does she say to me?
"I took care of that yesterday."
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaach! Then why in the hell did you have to tell me to take care of it for you when you've already gone and done it yourself??
Bitch. Bitch. Bitch. Bitch. Bitch.
I should write a book, making her the villain. Instead of the initials D.R., this character would have the initials R.D.
Last night, my mom and family ate dinner in Colwich at the pizza place. They were discussing my sister Jenny's situation with her husband Jeff... and how he doesn't want to buy a house, he doesn't want to get a job, and he's happy gambling online all day. Plus, he also told her that if they have any children together, he's not going to help support them.
I made the comment, "She needs to be by herself for awhile. You know.. do the smart thing like me."
In response, my mother starts going on and on about how I'm not getting any younger and that I need to look into settling down with some nice guy. I told her, "Not this again. I'm not ready to be in a relationship." And she proceeds to tell me about how my grandmother told her about how I completely ignored this guy at the grocery store who was flirting with me. Since when did I become a topic of conversation for them to discuss? And then my mother proceeds to say, "I don't want life to pass you by." As if by being single, life isn't worth living and life will pass you by and you won't experience anything rewarding. AS IF!!!! And then she's like, "You're so oblivious to the things going on around you. You never see the men who flirt with you because you're too busy living in a daydream." And I said in reply, "Oh, I see them flirting with them. I'm just not attracted to the men who are attracted to me." And she said, "But you don't give them a chance. Maybe they are wonderful people with great personalities." And I'm like, "but if the chemistry isn't there, why bother?" And she goes on to say, "You're basing it all on looks. That's not fair." And I said, "I'm not into the Brad Pitt's or George Clooney's of the world, Mother. Men that look "that" good to society don't appeal to me. They turn me off. So NO. I'm not basing things off of looks. I'm basing things off of the fact that at the moment I don't feel a thing for anybody. I'm not ready. I am SO sick of you and everybody else telling me I'm not living a quality life just because I'm single. Just stop it! I'm quite happy being by myself. Please accept that." and the argument went on again for awhile until it dissolved.
I am sick and tired of them thinking that just because I'm single, it suddenly means that I'm not living life correctly. And now that I'm 27 instead of 26, it seems that these arguments are going to be more frequent. Maybe I'll stay single for the rest of my life just to prove to them that you don't have to be married to die happy.
