10:00 AM - Thursday, Nov. 11, 2004
Things aren't always what they seem.
Okay, Chris B.!! Send me your address, buddy. Where is it? Come on and give it to me. Everybody else has given me theirs, except for Carrie.. but then Carrie is in the phone book here. So what gives?
Scary thing.... somebody from Wichita, KS accessed my diary through Google.com. Oh my god! Hopefully it wasn't anybody I know, or my parents know. I mean, I kind of talk about things in here I'd be embarrassed about if some office members found out I've ranted and raved about them. You know what I mean? Oh well. It really doesn't matter.
Now on to today's topic at hand. What do I feel like talking about today? Death, taxes, sex, war, celebrities? Let me go grab a drink and take a minute to swallow some liquid while I figure out what it is that pisses me off the most in this world today. Especially since I'm now certain that all these emotions I'm feeling are definitely from PMSing. Eat my granola bar for breakfast, serve some man some coffee (that I didn't make since I just had Brad teach me how to brew some. Damn, an idiot could figure out how to brew coffee on their own now that I know all you have to do is pour in some coffee grinds, water, and press on.), and swallow some grape pop so I can talk without sounding hoarse while answering the phone.
I need to take a moment to collect myself here. I'll get back to writing this later.
Okay. Let's see. Let's start with death. I was thinking about death yesterday.
It's definite. Death happens to all of us at some point or another. We can't escape it. It eventually catches up to us.
It's the idea of losing somebody we care about and love. It's knowing that once they are gone, everything we took for granted we can't take for granted anymore.
It's leaving behind everything we know about life, whether it be people, material goods, or that little bit of something we can't define.
It's the fear of what may lie beyond waiting for us when we reach the end. It's the unknown.
Most of the time, death doesn't scare me. When I think about myself dying, I don't feel any sort of sadness or grief. When I think of other people dying, I feel the grief and sadness of what will be missing from life when they are gone. I don't like the idea of people important to me passing on, but I don't seem to mind the idea of myself passing on. However, when the moments happen where (perhaps) I'm freaking out over somebody attacking me in my home, almost getting into a deathly accident thanks to the stupidity of some drivers on the city streets, or when something happens to kick my survival instincts into gear... it is then that I fear death. It is when those moments happen that I don't want to die.
Anyhow, I wanted to write more in this entry... but since I'm having to get to work here for once... I'll have to end this entry NOW.
