2:36 PM - Tuesday, Dec. 28, 2004
Free your mind....
I've gotten quite a bit done today. Okay. Actually I haven't gotten much done at all.
I went to work. Erin's out sick today. The flu is making it's rounds! It's good to the see the world is still functioning and running without me.
Anyhow, I only went into work for a couple of hours to do my deposit. I so detest it when other people do my deposit for me. They don't know what checks go into my account, which ones go to somebody else.. whose paying for whom and how to copy the checks onto a piece of paper correctly so it's easy for me to mark them off as paid. Call me anal retentive. I don't care. This is one part of the business I have control over, and I hate to have my process disturbed. Once I got that done, I came home. I'm still not feeling 100% great. I'm probably feeling 45% great at the moment.
I started the dishes in the dishwasher, collected the trash for tomorrow's pick-up, ran to Walgreen's to buy some detergent and cat litter.. they didn't have the cat litter I need so I just bought the detergent.. came home and changed the cat litter as best I could and paid my bills. The cat went on a ride with me to Walgreen's. We stopped by the bank to make my daily deposit, ran over to drop off the mail in the box, and I left her in the car while I ran into Walgreen's. I wasn't going to take her with me. It's just that she ran into the garage, was extremely curious about my car so she jumped into it since the windows were down.. and thus, when I left to do the few errands I wanted to attempt today, she was there with me. Totally freaked her out. I don't think she'll be doing that again anytime soon.
I should clean my toilets and do the laundry, but I'm being lazy. I'll get to the toilets today, though. I'd do my laundry, seriously.. but the dishwasher is still running.
I did pick up my mail, which has been waiting for me to pick it up for at least a week now. I received a really nice Christmas card from Erwin and Mopsie (his cat), one from Chris and his family, one from Claus, one from Lisa, and one from Heather and Darren. I think this is the first Christmas I've actually received any Christmas cards from people. It was really nice. I have them all displayed on my Grandpa's antique desk. I'd put them on display on my fireplace but that's down in the basement where I'm never at. I wanted them somewhere where I could see them daily while I have my holiday stuff still out on display.
Well, let's see... what's on my mind besides what I've been doing the last couple of hours of my life? I keep hesitating on finishing this entry, wanting desperately to go clean the toilets before I forget. I think I'll go do that now so I can rest and just fill this entry out without letting my mind wander off in a million different directions.
Okay. I feel much better now. The toilets are cleaned. I'll change my sheets later. I just realized I don't have to do my laundry yet. I can just change the sheets and do the laundry later. Yay!
There seems to be so much stuff I need to do. Like.. clean my office up because I've let it go to crap here. There are piles of books everywhere. I just really don't feel like doing it right now. It probably wouldn't take me very long if I just got right down to it and did it, but blah... I just want to curl up into a ball and take a most needed afternoon nap here.
Today would have been the perfect day to take my new camera out and play around with it. It's like... I don't know... 50 something degrees outside? Ah well. I wouldn't know what to take a picture of anyhow at this moment. Maybe I'll fiddle around with reading the directions as soon as I finish this entry?
Cory called me. It's so odd. I know he doesn't read these journal entries, but its almost as if he can read my mind. He knows exactly when to call and lay on the charm so I don't lose interest in him. I told him last night I was tired of waiting and that we need to meet up SOON. Notice the emphasis on the SOON. He agreed, although I did hear a little bit of a hesitation in his voice. He said, "it will work out when it's meant too." He certainly has more patience these days than I do. You know, I don't care if he isn't as thin as he'd like to be, or as muscular or as grand looking as he wants to be for me. I'm not in this relationship/friendship because of the looks. But I can sense his hesitation.. which I have some reservations too. I mean, what if it completely changes everything for the worse? Or.. what if everything just seems to become better because of this? I'm tired of putting off the risk, but I can understand his philosophy, too. As I'm fond of saying, "time will tell." Just how much more time do I have to put up with here? We'll see, I guess.
Lee's moved to Arizona. It's why I haven't heard from him for a tad bit there. He was in the process of moving and starting a new job. He caught up with me the other day and it sounds like he's doing rather well for himself down there. I'm planning on taking a vacation down that way perhaps this spring or summer. We'll see if I can save up some needed cash flow here.
Nic's back from wherever he was, and his latest couple of entries in his journal have somewhat confused me. First of all, he talks as if he's been avoiding me.. yet he can't stay away? And second, he speaks about my paranoia as if it's okay for him to speak of such a thing. He told me not to take offense because he finds the paranoia endearing, but I can't help it. I've taken a slight towards this. Mostly because I haven't suffered from paranoia for a good six months thanks to my Prozac, and also because it's my disease to speak about.. not his. And it wasn't really the paranoia inside of me that was displayed in the past. It was more the anxiety than anything mixed up with a bit of the depression. But I'm not going to get into the details of this here. A part of me realizes that perhaps I'm taking it too irrationally, while another part of me is thinking, "who are you to say such things about me?" So before I say something that I'll possibly regret, I'm going to cut my viewpoint on this entire matter off as of now.
I need to create a to do list before I go insane here. But first on the list... which I'm going to do before I even make the list out is relax. I need to relax. It's probably why the flu or whatever hit me so hard. I can't seem to sit still and just let things go with the flow.. I have to do it right away as soon as it comes to mind. No. No. No. I am resting, and that is it.
As for everyone out there reading this... hope you had a wonderful Christmas or whatever it is you might celebrate about this time of the year. I'm sure to write more in here before the first, but Happy New Year anyhow.
