3:09 PM - Friday, Jan. 07, 2005
When do you not?
I'm sitting here at work, using a bit of my down time here. My dad took me to lunch at Fox & the Hound today, partially because the country club is closed for two weeks and partially because Brian and Mark went to lunch with Diane to discuss her "survey." That's quite all right with me. As long as I was able to have lunch with my dad, I'm happy.
Driving to work this morning was terrible. There are tree limbs all over the place, some of them even lying in the middle of the roads. Even though the power went out here for me on Tuesday night and was turned back on three hours later, there are people in town who have gone for three days without electricity. I can't even imagine. One of the only reasons my power was put back on is because my neighborhood's electric lines are underground. There are at least 60k people still without power around the central Kansas area, 44,944 of them in Wichita. The city had to even hire 63 power trucks to come up to the city to help put the lines back up. They expect it to take up to two weeks just because of the debris alone.
When I was on my way back from lunch with my dad, we saw tree limbs that had fallen down against neighborhood fences and torn them down, tree limbs that have landed on roofs, gone through windows, and broken trees in half. I can't remember a time in history when Wichita has experienced weather below ten degrees, ice on even the blades of grass, and electric power outages. That doesn't mean anything though. I think this might be the first time that I've even paid attention to the weather or what's been happening to us because of it.
I think I'm becoming anti-social. I've been avoiding people like crazy these last few months. I don't like chatting in the chatroom, I hate the idea of having to entertain people on the phone, and I can't stand the idea of having to come up with conversational bits with acquintances. The only people I've talked to have been Ryan and Cory. I've written Yanee and Jen letters, but then I can't afford to call Thailand and Jen doesn't have a phone. It's not that I don't want to speak to the rest of humanity, or that I dislike them more-so than these four others or anything... it's just that I'm tired. That's really the only word I can use to describe my feelings on this matter. I'm just plain tired. All I want to do these days once work is over is go home and read a book, take a long hot shower, play with the kitty, and watch TV. It's easy to talk to Cory and Ryan while I'm watching TV or playing with the kitty, but anyone else? It's almost like I don't want to put forth the effort, even though it's nothing to do with them or how I feel towards them.
Casey called me today here at work. He's been busy working and going to school. He said something about how he had to get to class. I didn't think anything of it until just now, realizing that Kansas schools don't start class until late January. I can't say the same for Alabama. He wants to call me tonight, says he misses me. Who knows? It was nice of him to say so.
I've been doing very little thinking lately. When I do think, I'm tired of thinking so I either want to go to bed or I want to get my mind involved into something else.
Lately that something else is this:
- I will always hate ketchup and tomato sauce but love tomatos.
- No matter how many layers of clothing I put on, I'm always going to be cold.
- I'm never going to be on the inside looking out, but on the outside looking in.. and all while fogging up the windows.
- I'm not easy, nor am I frigid.
- No matter how many good looking men come in and out of my life, I'm never going to be 100% attracted to them.
- Even though I can't seem to be attracted to the opposite sex, I'm still not attracted to the same sex either.
- No matter how hard I try, I'll never feel comfortable around females enough to make them good friends.
- Food will always disgust me, no matter how much I may crave it.
- The older I get, the less I like people.
- The cup is never going to be half full, but it's not half empty, either.
- The more often I think about it, the more I think I'm unliked than liked.
- If I had a million dollars, I'd hoard the money: no matter how much I'd like to think I'd donate a good chunk of it to charity.
- I wish some people would up and die. Then I feel guilty for wishing these things, mainly afraid that it will greatly affect my karma.
- I'm sick and tired of debates revolving around politics, religion, war, and sexuality. Enough already!
- In the age of self help books, crash diets, and a push towards a certain physical image, I've never been happier with myself.
I could go on... but I figure that's enough for today. I'm ready to go home, and I still need to make a certain list of items here. I'd write more, but I need to save what I want to say for an entry I write at home. Let's just say that G. made some statement to D. about how he made a fool of himself. I just wanted to look at him and say, "when do you not?"
