9:57 PM - Monday, Jan. 24, 2005
Yesterday I cried...
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
Those in charge don't hesitate to let
you know who's the boss. You cannot change what is, but you can lighten up your attitude. Quit obsessing over a particular facet of your life. Look at the positive parts of your life. Tonight: *** Heart to heart with a friend.
If I owned a gun, I'd shoot myself in the head.
Sometimes I wish I could go mentally insane so somebody would lock me up forever and I wouldn't have to continue with this existence.
I have no motivation.
I have no desires or goals I want to achieve.
There's nobody depending on me for anything so I feel as if my existence could just fade away into the background forever.
I'm mad.
I'm upset.
I haven't a clue what in the world could make me happy.
I'm sick of everything constantly making me sad.
I hate my attitude.
I hate my job.
I hate the direction my life is going.
I hate the fact that I'm too full of fear to do something about it in order to improve it.
I wish I had somebody helping me figure everything out.
I wish my cat were still alive.
I wish I could get rid of these stress headaches which seem to occur more often now.
I wish I didn't worry about everything in the world.
I wish I wasn't such a serious person.
I wish I could go on a vacation for an entire month somewhere far away from here so I could clear my head and figure things out.
I wish I didn't clench my jaw so tightly when I'm stressed out, causing me to look as if I'm "pouting," and making my teeth ache from the tension.
Sometimes I feel as if the world is crashing down all around me, and I'm expected to hold it up with my shoulders.
Sometimes I feel as if time flies by so quickly that a day ago feels like ten years ago.
Other times I feel as if everything is crawling by slowly, and the only thing I can do to fill up the hours is sleep.
I think I sleep too much.
I think I need more of a life, one that exists outside of the office and family.
I think the song "Bitch" by Meredith Brooks is starting to fit me even more these days.
I hate the world today. You're so good to me, I know but I can't change, Tried to tell you but you look at me like maybe I'm an angel underneath: innocent and sweet.
I need to get married.
I need to start popping out kids.
I need to feel needed.
I need to feel loved.
Then maybe I'd feel happy with myself and this life.
