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8:47 AM - Tuesday, Jan. 25, 2005
It's hard to say what it is I see.
LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)
What you want could drop into your lap. Odd enough, you suddenly might not want it. Be ready for confusion. Family or a real estate matter could distract you from what you need to do. Know that you are looking at a child or loved one through rose-colored glasses. Tonight: **** Be physical; play a game.

Oddly, my horoscopes are relating to my life lately. Yesterday's totally fit the bill. Today's seems to be doing that as well. Have I stumbled across something that I'm meant to read, or is every Libra in the universe going through the same shit I am?

Today is my Grandpa's 82nd birthday. The family plans to eat dinner together at his house and then celebrate with a cake. I don't know what to get him for his birthday. I sent him a card in the mail because I love to get personal mail. I figured he would too. Other than that, I haven't a clue.

I didn't make the deposits last night. I didn't get off work until 6 PM. I was going to take them this morning, but I was asked yesterday to be at work by 8:30 AM. I made it to work by 8:36 (thanks to the morning traffic). My eyes were swollen shut this morning, so that I've brought a rag with me to work. Every now and then I've been applying it to my puffy eyes. If anybody asks, I wonder if I can blame allergies.

Yesterday I had my meeting with Mark and Brian. It was supposed to be over the survey they had all of us fill out on our ideas of improving our jobs and the office. Ironically, the only thing we basically discussed was my tardiness, how I have to work twice as hard as everybody else in order to earn their respect since I'm the boss's daughter, and that if I'm going to be working for the company then I'm going to be stuck doing the two things I hate the most in the world. Answering the phones and taking the mail and deposits every single night. I posed various questions about how I'm going to be able to get the rest of my work done, the work that takes me away from the phones... They basically told me that I could designate a time of the month to do all the filing at once and that it would be at the end of the work day.

I just got done talking to my dad. I told him, "I'm depressed. I've been depressed my entire life. I can't help it. Everybody else wakes up and thinks, 'what do I need to accomplish today?' I wake up thinking, 'how am I going to get through today?'" And I told him that I wish I could wake up and be happy go lucky like everybody else, but my brain chemistry isn't geared that way. Anyhow, now he wants to discuss me with my mother tonight, and possibly find me another shrink to visit. I told him, "do you think any shrink can help? Because as I see it, I'm just going to go through life with a lot of ups and downs.. more downs than ups unfortunately." And he said, "what else are we supposed to do?"

Time will tell, I guess. Time will tell. Maybe if I get over the death of my kitty-kat I'll go back to being slightly normal. As it is now, however, I'm so stressed out and overwhelmed by my insecurities and anxieties that I know I'm in an emotional slump.

 

 

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