1:54 PM - Friday, May. 21, 2004
Emotions, and A Little Story Part I, The Introduction
I feel like I've been run over by a semi. My head hurts. My sinuses are killing me. If I sit around and stop working, I think too much and it only gets worse. Especially the headache. And I'm in no mood right now to be a blubbering mess of tears and emotions. I think I need to take up some sport that allows me to go kick the shit out of objects and release my inner rage. If you can call what I'm feeling inside "rage", that is. It's more like I'm trapped in a state of confusion and frustration.
I had a terrible night sleeping. And, usually when such a sleepless night happens, I have a terrible day the next day. Which is such the case, if you take into consideration the emotional havoc I have pushed onto myself. But, besides the day going smoothly in regards to the events taking place all around me, my emotional well-being has been a rollercoaster. At least I can blame the watery red eyes and runny nose on allergies.
And to top off the emotions I'm dealing with right now is the fact that some issues in the office have arisen. I could go on and on about the injustices in this world like a moron, but I'm sick and tired of bitching about things that are never going to change. I do, however, wish that I could scream my head off at the person who is the main reason behind these unequal and very partial treatments. I wish I could bitch-slap the woman and knock some respect and sense into her narrow mind!
Oh, to hell with it. I know what I need to do about it. I either need to accept it, or move on. I'm thinking that I'm going to move on. I can't deal with this shit anymore. That, and the lack of mental stimulation is killing me and my creative side.
I just need.... a little bit of happiness that I know won't go away.
Here's a little story:
A Little Story (Part I)
The Introduction
One day a young cute girl came into existence. When she was born, she was forced from her mother's womb early. Later in life, she would come to understand that this early exposure to the world was one of the reasons she would be disabled with sensitive emotions and a tendency to worry to the point of severe anxiety. After all, scientists were studying babies born prematurely with enough interest to come up with such results and conclusions.
As this girl grew into a young cute woman, she went through various experiences that made her shy away from intimate relationships. It was much easier for her to have male friends rather than actual companions. If the man grew to love her in an adoring manner, she made certain to push him away before either one of them became emotionally attached to the other. But there was one flaw to this strategy. The young girl enforced loneliness within her life, a loneliness that would make her even more sad when she did let her guard down... when she did allow someone to see the soft side of her personality. When that happened, she beat herself up with negative words calling herself a failure at relationships. In other words, she abused herself mentally because inflicting pain upon herself hurt less than succumbing to the emotions of a deep loss.
This woman was now 26 years old. She lived in the same state she was born and raised in. Her parents had influence over all of her major life decisions, and her family had a very large impact on her life. Yet, one of the things she wanted most out of anything in the world was a way out of this state, a path to someplace less familiar that could help her grow more independent. She wanted to make it on her own, and the only way she could do that was to break free and leave the nest.
Would she do it? Could she do it? How? When? Where would she go? How would she get there? When she got there, what would she do? These were all questions she kept asking herself, the questions that would help determine the future she was uncertain about.. the questions that frustrated her because she couldn't answer them... the questions that haunted her late at night...
But the main question was... would she do it?
--- Stay tuned to these pages to find out more on this issue. ---
