8:00 PM - Monday, May. 31, 2004
Being soaking wet leads to 4 step plans
I can't believe I've been writing so much in this online journal lately. It's been a good thing, though. It's helped me release some of my emotions onto paper.
I woke up this morning via a phone call from my sister Angie. "Do you want our backyard patio furniture? Brian says it's too big for our patio, and that we need to buy a smaller set." So, of course I said, "Yes, I'll take it." It was delivered this morning. Now I have some comfortable cushion like chairs to go sit on in the evenings.
About 10 AM, I'm getting dressed to go to my mother's cousin Bill's house for our annual family Memorial Day gathering. Whew! I look into the mirror and I see myself through different eyes. For the first time in years, I've looked at my face and thought, "Wow.. pretty." I almost didn't recognize myself. And the really odd thing is.. lately.. even the people I've known for years (my mother and brother included) don't recognize me when they are looking for me as I wander about some shopping center. I don't know if it's the blonder hair, the longer hair, or the fact that I can't seem to stop losing weight. But then, it could also be the fact that my "J-Lo" style sunglasses came in the mail on Saturday and I look pretty damn spiffy in them.
We went shopping at Wal-Mart in Wellington before attending this family picnic. We bought a whole bunch of water guns for the kids to play with. Guess who ended up getting sopping wet? If you guessed me, you're right! At one time, I had about four guns going at once while I ran around the yard chasing down these water squirting children. Every time I stopped to fill my guns back up with water, they were shooting me on the ass, down the back of my shirt, in the face... you name it. They shot it. And at one time, Tristian turned the water hose on me. My right side was completely drenched. It was about that time that I decided the game was war. I chased those boys and girls around the house squirting like mad. We all had a blast... and I completely forgot how much fun it is to have watergun fights. I wonder how many 26 year old women play water war with two 8 year old boys, one 4 year old girl, one 3 year old girl, and two 2 year old boys. Not many, I suspect.
Anyhow, my cousin Mary and Uncle Denny came to check out the houses. I ended up giving them the guided tour through my home, the grandparent's house, and Angie and Brian's. Angie let me take off with the 100 year old cow picture that belonged to my great grandmother Sarah Barbour's family. I'm going to hang it up downstairs.
I found out my cousin Esther is getting married October 9th to her boyfriend Tony. Ah... the pressure to settle down is getting more fierce upon me. Even my 20 year old cousin is tying the knot before I am. But then, if I end up an old hermit with three cats, that'll be okay. I can't imagine settling for somebody I don't feel completely in tune with on all levels. If I had settled for someone who gave me... say.. 3 out of the 4 requirements, I would have been settling for second best. And I would have been married for about 10 years by now. I don't want to do that. I just know that when I meet the one, I won't ever question him. He'll fit right in with my family like he's been with us forever. Plus, I'm only 26 years old. And given the fact that I lost 5 years of my life... I'm 5 years behind everybody else. That's okay. I'm just lonely, is all.
So anyhow, one thing I'm doing.. I'm not renewing my pork membership. It expires June 9th. I don't really go in there anymore, and have no desire to do so again. Sex isn't on my mind much anymore, I'm not dealing with social anxiety anymore, and I really don't want to talk to a bunch of faceless sometimes nameless people about the weather or something.
Another thing I'm going to do... I'm going to stay offline for awhile. If I don't update this page for a bit, it's because I'm taking a long vacation from the internet and any computer. Of course, I can't avoid the computer at work. I have to utilize the tool there. But anyhow, I just want to live life and experience it. I don't want to be trapped on the phone, or behind a computer most of the time during the day. I want to go do things, experience new things, and do a lot of travelling. I'm even thinking about renting out my house so I can go back to school in another state or find a job somewhere else just to experience living someplace that isn't Kansas. Who knows? Maybe when I go back to school I'll find the man of my dreams. He'll want to travel all over the world too. We'll sell my house and use some of the money to explore someplace we've never been before. The rest of the money will be spent on a downpayment for another home, or even possibly used to attend music concerts or plays. I guess, what I'm saying is... I want to live everyday as if its my last day on earth; and I seriously don't want to die knowing I never tried absolutely everything I could while I could.
Step 1: work extra hours and get some major cash flowing in that can be set aside in a savings account. This money will be used to experience all possible things.
Step 2: find a major, or new career choice... and even look into jobs or schools located outside of Kansas.
Step 3: Call up all my offline friends and renew the friendships. Start going out and experiencing things with them.
Step 4: Volunteer for a good cause. A homeless shelter or soup kitchen... at the hospital. Anything. Just volunteer to do some good in this world for somebody suffering more than myself. Get involved into the community lending a helping hand.
And now it's time to start implementing these steps by initiating the plan. I think step 3 and 4 are easier done first before 1 and 2. I'll start with 3.
Must go start this stuff now. I'm feeling energetic and pumped up. Adios mi amigos until I write in here again.
