12:52 PM - Saturday, Jun. 19, 2004
Cory..........
First of all, I want to say that I just spent a glorious 15 minutes in the shower contemplating my emotional history over the last month and a half. And I realized something... I need motivation; motivation to get my life back on track here. I can't continue to bitch and complain about a relationship that was wonderful while it lasted and hurt like hell when it ended. And I can't continue to be angry at a man whose only reason for no longer keeping in contact with me is to live life the way life was intended to be lived. I can only hope that in due time, we can be friends; and that (if he were to read these pages) he realizes my words were said as a defense mechanism so that I could help detach myself and move on with my life. I wish him the best of luck in all of his future endeavors. He knows how to reach me if he ever wishes to catch up sometime. As for me? I'm not going to contact him. (I mean it this time, too.) If he wants any kind of relationship with me, he can put forth the effort to continue being friends. He already knows how I feel about that, and I'm not going to be the only one putting forth any effort here.
Now... before I go off to rampage my house and clean it from top to bottom, do my laundry, and perhaps begin preparations for the story that will get me into graduate school... I want to say something else.
Cory....
The moment I first met you, I felt gravitated towards your presence. You were an enigma that stimulated all of my senses. Little did I know that I was crossing paths with one of my soul mates.
We met each other two and a half years ago. During the first year of our friendship, a mutual respect was established. Over time, this respect grew into an affectionate fondness. We would come to know that we shared more in common than a love for words, an ability to create poetry, a compatible intellect, and a similar sex drive. However, it wasn't until a year and a half ago that we became fully aware of these similarities.
A year and a half ago, we needed each other. Both of us were going through extremely difficult times in our lives. You were there for me when I needed you most, and you've told me I was there for you when you needed me most. Because of this, you and I have been through a lot together over the last year and a half. With most others, these experiences would have caused the friendship to end on bad terms. But with you... my dear Cory... our friendship has only deepened and strengthened.
You understand me in ways I don't think most other people do. I don't know if it's because you're a Sagittarius and I'm a Libra. I don't know if it's because you're an ox and I'm a snake. I don't know if it's because we're both deep thinkers. I don't know if it's because we're both passionate individuals. I don't know if it's because we both have an intellectual desire to understand everyone and everything around us on sociological and psychological terms. But whatever it is... fate, coincidence, or pure luck... I know that God has blessed me with your presence in my life.
I love you, Cory. It's not because you motivate me to be a better person, or because your friendship offers me great emotional support. And it's not because you have the ability to stimulate all five of my senses at once, or that you and I are the most sexually compatible individuals I know. It has nothing to do with what you offer me, what you do for me, or what you do to me. I love you because you're Cory. In other words, I love you because you're you and because of you.
You are my friend for life, Cory. No matter what the future has in store for us, I will always be here for you. That's why I want to thank you for everything you have done for me. Thank you for being there for me when I needed you. Thank you for opening your heart up to me and sharing the wonderful person that you are.
And I know I don't say it enough (or maybe I say it too much); and I know that deep down you know and can feel it, too. And I want you to someday hear it from me in person, because I want you to not only hear the words, but see me say them.
I love you, Cory.
Yours always,
