7:15 PM - Monday, Jul. 05, 2004
Who am I to be blind?
Some good news: My childhood next door neighbor Mindy received another doctor's opinion on whether or not she had L.G. disease.. and this doctor told her that she doesn't have it. She's going to live! I'm so happy and relieved. I want to fall down on my knees and kiss the earth while shouting thank you to God. But I won't fall to my knees like that... I'd probably land funny and sprain my wrist in the process.
Well, we got Jenny and Jeff moved into their new home. They have interviews with Target in the morning to work part time in the pharmacy. Jenny's going to check and see how much their pharm techs make and what the benefits are. If anything, I could work there while I go back to school. But, slowly, I think there are changes being made at the office that I'm not supposed to know about. I'm being kept in the dark because I'm in favor for what is bound to happen sooner or later. We'll see what happens work wise by the end of the summer. All I know is that I've talked them into taking some of the crap they've loaded onto me and giving it to some of the interns. The poor interns... but then, I was an intern for years and they get paid too well to not have to take some of the grunt work off my hands.
I finished painting my bathroom today, as well. Pretty soon I'll be sponge painting over it with a lighter brown color. I must have an eye for color because the colors I chose on a whim match perfectly with the floor, formica, and tile. I'm pretty excited about getting the bathroom done. When I finish with that, I'm going to begin painting my laundry room the same color. I'm going to pencil in my own drawings of large flowers, which I plan to paint like ivy along the walls. It's hard to explain, but maybe if I ever get around to buying a digital camera, I'll post the pics up on my website. I do need to go buy one of those cameras. A real nice one, too. I've taken Erwin's suggestion to heart, and I think I could get one of those to go around and partake in my love for photography with. I'm really into nature scenes so most of my featured photos will be of the outdoors. It's just the way I am.
I spent the 4th of July over at my parents house. I drove up there around 3 PM after getting some work done around the home here. We had dinner in their new kitchen, which looks just like it should be featured in a magazine of some sort. Joe, Brian, Dad and I went down to the pond later on. The pond is named Osage "Oh Soggy" Pond (an inside family joke between my dad and I). Mom and Angie had bought the kids fishing poles, so I took some pictures while Brian attempted to teach Joe how to fish. We sat on the bridge that my parents had built over the pond. I think I'll take photos of my parents backyard for my homepage when I do get around to buying that camera this summer.
When it got dark out, Brian and I set off fireworks out on the bridge. While we were doing that, you could see five fireworks shows going on around us. There was one at the high school, one in the small town of Bentley that you could see going off in the distance, one in the street outside our house (our next door neighbor puts on a fireworks show every year and uses our large yard to feature the show in), one in the field by the senior citizen center just across the street, and one over by the low income housing. It was the perfect spot to enjoy all of the shows being featured. When we finished setting off all the fireworks, I went out front to watch Doug (the next door neighbor) put on his show. It lasted for over two hours. I wonder how much money he spent this year!? I sat on my parents front terrace and the fireworks would fly up into the air and explode over my head. Literally. The wind was blowing to the west, so the ashes floated sideways and away from me. At times I had to clutch the chair I was in and shut my eyes. I could have sworn the fireworks were going to carry down and give me third degree burns. In my mind I thought, "Well, I always said I'd go out with a bang." I seriously stood my ground and waited for an accident to happen where the fireworks would fly at me and take my life. Morbid? I have to agree, but I can't help what my mind was thinking.
The show had started at 9:00 PM, and ended at 11:30 PM. When it was over, I was ready to go home. There was a storm in the distance so I knew I didn't have long to get home before it hit. I followed Angie and Brian half way before we both went our different directions. Along the country road you could see lightening striking away in the sky all over the place. A bolt would hit down every three seconds or so, some of them even looking as if they were striking the ground. When the rain started, it fell in a massive rush and made it difficult to see within 2 feet. I clutched the steering wheel, but it wasn't really that bad of an experience. I've driven in a lot worse conditions. I just had this feeling that maybe this was how I was going to go out with a bang.
When that didn't happen and I made it home, I sort of felt relieved. Maybe a part of me wants to remain alive, while another part of me is ready to just get this life over with. I don't know. I don't understand my own thoughts. Sometimes they scare me. Sometimes I just shrug them off.
My family ate at B.J. Dalton's for dinner, and we were discussing Cousin Kathy's funeral. Jenny made the comment about how our family has really been blessed. Nobody in our immediate family has had any serious illness. Nobody has made their life more difficult by adding on certain responsibilities early on in life. My parents are both still alive. My grandparents are still alive on my Mom's side. My other set of grandparents lived into their 80's, and when they passed away they went quickly. We aren't hurting for anything. We've all been highly educated. And the list goes on and on. Of course, we did crack that joke that we all had mental problems... depression in other words... but in today's day and age.. it's rare to find someone who doesn't. Or, so I assume - even though I hate to assume such things.
Nic called me last night and we talked for the majority of the night. I was glad he called. I tend to sleep better after speaking to someone before I drift off to sleep. We had another intensely deep conversation about all sorts of things. He is very good at making me think about things that I normally wouldn't think about on my own. Most of our conversations revolve around our experiences and what we have learned from them along the way, and what we think we still need to learn from this life. He gives me a clear honest perspective on many things concerning my life, and I have to admit that it's an awesome feeling having him as my sounding board as I change and grow from within. He did say that I was growing up too fast (as in... well, I basically began my entry into true adulthood in January, and while I'm not completely there yet, I'm heading in the direction rather quickly). I don't mind, though. I'm ready to grow up. I'm no longer afraid of becoming an adult.
Probably the only thing I'll remain immature on in the future is how I view the office peons.... but I think I'm allowed one blunder, don't you? Anyhow, I pity them more than anything. I'll respect them because that's how I was raised, but that doesn't mean I have to like them. And if they EVER treat me the way they have in the past, I'm not going to keep my mouth shut. I'll tell them exactly how I feel about that treatment and hopefully put them back in place.
Anyhow, I think I'm done with writing this entry. I'm tired from my long weekend, and I feel like curling up in my new La-z-boy chair and reading the book I'm working on.
Ta ta!
