10:10 AM - Friday, Aug. 06, 2004
I feel like complaining.
I need a new office chair. Somebody keeps messing with mine. I fix it to fit my comfort, and I come back and find it put in a different position entirely. And now it's wobbly, too. Whoever is sitting in my chair must be squirmy. Or simply too big for the chair. I won't mention names.... I'm going to look on Office Depot's website for a new one. This one is driving me crazy.
Today will be another boring day. Most of the people are out of the office on vacation or at a meeting. I don't mind. That just means the phones won't be ringing as much, which in essence means my ears get a break from all the constant ringing. I wonder if receptionists everywhere get this pissed off or tired of the phones.
I have to give the Jeep up for a couple of days. It's going into Brian and Angie's garage while I house my mom's car. Don't ask me why my parents drove two vehicles into town on their way on vacation. I don't want to house my mom's car. I don't want to give up the Jeep until Tuesday. It's over the weekends when I drive it. If it was over the week, I wouldn't be complaining. I rarely drive the Jeep to work because when I do I get windblown pretty bad on the highway.
Oh, well. It's not my vehicle. It's the entire family's and I need to share. I'm just upset because I told them I was driving the Jeep to work today (I normally drive it every Friday when I don't have to dress up for the office), and I get a nasty phone call from Angie saying, "We're here to pick up the Jeep." And I'm like, "I told you last night that I was driving it to work today." And she's like, "Well, my children are very disappointed and upset now." And I said, "That's not my fault nor my problem. I told you last night. You should have remembered." And she's like, "Well, Mom wants her car in a garage to be sheltered while she's gone." So I said, "Then why didn't she leave it at home?" And she said something and I said, "Well, you and Brian... or you and Jenny could always drive the car up to Mom & Dad's and drop the car off. Then the 'rents wouldn't be burdened with two vehicles when they get home on Tuesday and we won't be burdened with their extra vehicle while they're gone." And she said, "whatever." And hung-up on me.
Am I the only one who thinks logically in this family? Seriously, why didn't my dad just drive home and pick my mom up before they went golfing last night? My family is so annoying sometimes.
Maybe I'm just going through a mood swing.
Maybe I'm just hungry.
Maybe my family is just getting on my nerves because they always automatically assume that I'll give up my life to 1. babysit their kids, 2. give up my free space to house their stuff, 3. be the central location for their stomping grounds, 4. and whatever else it is they expect of me all the time.
It's times like this when I wish I had the courage Scotty does. It's times like this when I think, "wouldn't it be so cool to be living a thousand miles away where I could escape expectations?" If I had a higher self-esteem, and didn't fear the lack of security so much, I wonder if I would have that courage to go live in a big city like Boston. Maybe one day I will have more self-esteem to get past this emotion that's holding me back. I really don't want it to rule my life forever, and I don't want to turn 80 and look back on my life and think, "what if..."
I may never Bunjee Cord jump. I may never climb Mount Everest. I may never see the Statue of Liberty, or travel outside of the country to some far off foreign land. I could live happily forever without ever experiencing these things... but if I never break past this feeling of being tied and bound to my family here in Kansas, I know I'll never find true ultimate happiness.
Okay. I think I'll end this entry here. If I have more to ramble on about, I'll just create a new one. Right now, I need to get away from writing this.
