9:50 AM - Monday, Aug. 09, 2004
and where he goes I'll follow....
Well... I'm here to create another entry! Aren't you excited? If you replied "yes," that's wonderful. I am too. Good for you. You should always reply "yes." If you said "no" then you are a very bad bad bad bad bad person! Mostly because that's just rude.
1 month and 8 days until my Sims 2 game is released!
I am SO happy!!!! One of the major peons is on vacation for an entire week. YAY!!!!!!!!!! And it's the one that I find to be the most disgusting. If I were Fred Flintstone, I'd be screaming through the hallways "Yabba Dabba Doo!"
I was looking at how tan my arms are getting, and I've noticed that I have quite a few moles. They look like freckles to me. They aren't big or bumpy. They're smooth and small. It made me think, "what is a mole anyway?" So, being curious, I had to look it up online. Of course, I found out what I should have known all along. A mole is a bunch of cells that are tan to dark brown due to some pigment factor in the skin. Then I thought, if I were younger and still watching Pee-Wee's Playhouse, I could get away with playing connect the dots and singing "La la la la la."
I went for a 2 mile walk yesterday. Unfortunately I did it in the heat. By the time I got home, I was red in the face and suffering from too much sun. At least I made it home in time to watch The Simpsons.
Ryan called last night, and while we were on the phone, the mysterious number from San Diego tried calling me again. Next time, I'm going to stop being lazy and flip over to see who it is. I just have this really odd feeling it's Dick. He's really the only person I know from California that would have my phone number. That I know of, that is.
Casey called last night. We talked for a few while I watched bits and pieces of the South Park marathon. We were both suffering from back pain to a small degree, and we even said the same things outloud so now it's our joke that we share a brain. If that were true, maybe when I feel my most airheaded is when he's using more of the brain power? You never know.
Cory called me this morning about 4 AM. No worries. I was awake. Oddly enough, I had woken up ten minutes before his phone call to go to the restroom, and I was in the middle of lying there trying to fall back asleep while thinking about him. We hadn't talked since Wednesday night, so I was wondering what he was up too, and if he was having fun.
He was a bit drunk. And everytime he's drunk, he always asks me, "why are you so good to me?" Whenever he asks me that, I never know how to answer. It's hard to put the reasons behind how I treat him into words. If I were to sit there and explain the reasons, people would automatically assume that I was in love with Cory. My reasons would be listing all the things I respect and adore about him, and even the things that I don't. It's odd. With him, I accept his weaknesses as much as his strengths. He could hurt me worse than any man in the past has, and I think I'd still stick around and "worship" him.
We've talked plenty of times about our relationship, our compatibility, how far we've come individually... We've discussed the nature of our friendship inside and out, and it still seems to amaze us how connected we are. When we first met, I brushed him off like I do most guys. I gave him enough time of the day to keep his interest, but not enough that allowed him into my world. Then, when Casey and I had our falling out and Cory has his rough patch in life, it was like we were drawn to each other. Before, there was always this feeling of mutual respect and desire, but it quickly turned into a deeper form of friendship. This friendship developed over time into an intimacy I can't find myself sharing with anyone else.
When I felt our relationship was going nowhere, I tried to move on. I ended up with David, who was born 5 days before Cory. I found a comfortable companionship with David that developed into a kind friendship. I tried to become intimate with him. We did have some very intimate moments together, and I did have genuine feelings for him. However, I felt as if a part of me belonged to Cory, and that it always would no matter how close David and I became. There was always some small part of me playing the "what if" game where Cory was concerned. Which is why I found it extremely strange that David insisted that I was the one who was too emotionally dependent upon him, when there was always a part of me that remained emotionally detached.
Don't get me wrong. David's a wonderful man. He has a lot going for him. He's extremely intelligent, hard-working, ambitious, and not afraid to take risks. He has a lot of life experiences that many people only dream to have. He's going to make some woman very happy someday. Not only will he be a wonderful husband, but he'll be an exceptional father, too. These were things that I found attractive about him, and I enjoyed imagining a future with him because those are qualities I look for in any man.
Cory has those qualities, too. What I admire most about Cory is that he doesn't give up. He fights for what he believes in, goes after what he wants, and makes sure that he maintains what he has. I'm sure David has these qualities, too... but the difference is that Cory hangs onto me. He knows I'm a good thing and worth keeping. He knows that I'm the type of woman who will take care of him, love him unconditionally even with all of his faults, encourage him to achieve his fullest potential, and make personal sacrafices to ensure his happiness.
Cory always insists he takes me for granted, that he doesn't treat me as good as I deserve to be treated. Funny, since he's treated me so much better than any man I've ever been involved with.
I love that he finds me worthy. I love that he admires the person I'm becoming, while still appreciating the person I was and respecting the person I am. I love that he wants to play golf with my dad, that he wants to help me achieve my goals, and that he wants to take care of me just as much as I want to take care of him. He's one of my best friends. He has been for a very long time now. And if I have my way, he always will be.
I love him. I think more than I'm willing to admit.
