9:39 AM - Wednesday, Aug. 11, 2004
Don't mess with the best.
Yesterday, I was extremely bored. I spent 5 hours playing Spider Solitaire and answering the phones. I've decided I can't live my life like this anymore. I'm far too intelligent to spend my time playing some card game and answering the phones for other people.
I had an epiphany yesterday. Suddenly, I knew exactly what I wanted to do with my life. I want to work in Interior Design. Yes, I want to be an Interior Decorator. It makes complete sense. I love decorating homes on the Sims. I loved picking out the tile, formica, carpet, etc. etc. for my house and my Grandma's house. I used to love to design my "future" house when I was younger, going so far as to draw up my own architectural plans and picking out samples from the wallpaper books my mother owned. This career, if it's possible for me to obtain it someday, is my calling. It'll allow me to express my creativity while also letting me do something I love. I am so excited about the prospect of one day going after this degree. It feels so good to have a plan.
Anyhow, yesterday I typed up what was probably the best online journal entry known to mankind from my fingertips, and I lost it all. I lost it all because the connection this work computer has to its cable modem is picky. I was so pissed. It was 4:45. I was shutting down for the day. All I could say over and over again was, "Fuck." And I'm not one to cuss much. I went straight home after that, went to my chiropractic appointment, delivered the mail for this stinking office, and jet-setted over to my sister Jenny's house to work out. Afterwards, I went over to my grandparents to check up on them. They're doing good.
So where was I?
Well, the entry would be difficult to recreate. I can't even remember half of what I said. I just know that it was good stuff. GOOD STUFF! I took a trip down memory lane. I talked about there being a change in the air that I could feel inside and out. I was caught up between anxiety and excitement just knowing that I'm going to be making some serious life changes here. I feel optimistic. I feel like I can do anything, become anything... if I could start completely over in a world outside of this one, I could be the person I'm craving to be inside.
Basically, what I'm saying is... the only way I'm going to move forward in a positive way is if I leave Kansas. And, although it may not be for a year or two before I do leave this place, I'm going to do it. I'm going to move somewhere different where I can escape all these expectations, I can get away from being the boss's daughter, and I can start making my own path.
I'm sick of being stagnant. I'm sick of not getting anywhere with my life. I don't want to wake up even 2 years from now doing what I'm doing right now. It's time to change. It's time to push forward. I've got to do it now while I'm in this "let's move on with my life" mode. I'm better than this job. I can do better. I can be better. I am better.
So where do I go from here?
