2:22 PM - Tuesday, Aug. 03, 2004
If I only had a brain
Okay. So I'm back. Today is a really slow day for me. The phones aren't ringing quite as much as they're known too, and I did all of my work this morning.
Periodically, D. will come into my area with some mail. I always think she's checking up on me. I can feel her eyes boring into my back when I'm writing these things out and she's ventured into the room. I wonder what she would do if one of those times, I stopped doing what I was doing, turned to face her, and spent the time just staring at her. Whenever she or G. walk down the halls of this office, they look into my area as they pass by. I wish I had a door, so I could shut it and not be disturbed by anyone.
I left work 15 minutes early yesterday because I had to babysit my niece and nephew. This morning, when I came into work, I received the silent treatment I'm getting used too. If it's not taking two days off for my ear infection, it's leaving work only 15 minutes earlier to do something they could very well do on their own. If they want me to be here from 8:00 AM until 5:30 PM without a lunch break, without any ten minute breaks, or what-not, then they can take the damn deposits and the stinking mail. I've been doing really good not worrying about any of this office bullshit, but when it's rubbed in your face every single day, you can't continue to ignore it. Thank God for the Prozac. Without it, I think I'd be a bundle of nerves and a severe emotional wreck.
Cory talked to me about this the other day. We didn't go into depth about the problems that exist because I've basically run them into the dirt, and they're the same issues and dilemmas that always seem to come up. Anyhow, he had an excellent point. Erin made the point, too, when we discussed whether I was quitting or not. I'm still looking into other options (basically, I'm trying to figure out what in the world I would like to get my Masters in). The points made were that, I'm in a tough situation. In other words, I have it good, but then I also have it bad. We talked about the good versus the bad (i.e. the bonuses vs. the lack of a social life within the office boundaries). So, I've decided to weigh the pros against the cons. If I come up with more cons, then I definitely need to look into expanding my education, or seeking interests that I can find someplace else in the workforce. If I come up with more pros, then I guess I need to focus on the good aspects of the job. For now, I'll continue to do what I'm doing until I have a bit more money, or destiny/fate throws something in my path worth taking a chance on.
God, I'm bored today. Sometimes I wish I had a job that required a lot more movement. I'm sick of spending so many hours on my ass at this desk, trapped inside a small room with no windows. Even a skylight would be appreciated. Maybe if I had a job that had mentally stimulating work for me to do, instead of stuff any stupid monkey could do?
I used to think that I wasn't good enough for a job like this one. When I first started it, the job scared me. I was so afraid of messing up, yet even more afraid I'd get another nasty memo or verbal lashing from the two peons. They really take their inferiority complexes seriously. Now, I whiz through the work in a record amount of time. Same things over and over again, month after month; all these little tasks that are never ending. Repetitive. Boring. Things I've known since I was a child. Things drilled into me from the age of 6 and carried forward.
What are the two most important words in business? Cash Flow
What do debits equal? Debits = Credits
What did Kelso say? Time will tell.
Recite the golden rule. The man who has the gold makes the rules.
I guess I should look for a new job since I'm obviously not being challenged. If only I could figure out what it is I'm good at, and what it is I can do with my life that's worth doing.
Sometimes I think my head is full of useless information, and then other times I think it's completely blank and not full of anything. Meaning, sometimes I feel like I'm pretty smart. Other times I feel like I'm a complete idiot and that I don't know enough... that no matter how hard I try to learn something new, it's going to all go in one ear and out the other because my mind doesn't have the capability to absorb so much information. I always had that problem in math. The teacher would discuss the problems on the board, and I'd stare at them as if all the numbers were a foreign language.
I just put on some of my Hempz lotion. Man, that stuff has the best smell. And my arms are a heck of a lot more tan than they were last month. I may not be dark brown, but at least I'm no longer albino white.
Okay. I think I better quit babbling on and on, here. I'll go read the newspaper online or something.
