12:20 PM - Wednesday, Aug. 04, 2004
If I gave it all away for nothing....
I have a pounding headache. I don't know why. I'm taking those stinking allergy pills. I'm not stressed out. I basically get all my work related stuff done in the mornings now. See, I've become so efficient at my job, I keep myself up to date pretty well now.
So, anyhow, I'm just waiting for my lunch to cool down a bit. It's steaming hot. Yesiree.
What's on my mind? How about this:
Casey hasn't called me since the night I never switched over to take his phone calls while I was on the phone with Ryan. I guess he's either addicted to his X-Box more than I thought he was, or I've hurt his ego and he's decided to not speak to me for awhile.
Ryan's been trying to call me the last couple of days, but I've been out of the house and plenty busy. If he's reading this, HEY RYAN! I will be home Thursday. I'm not going out for a walk/run with my sister that night. And I should be home by 9:30 my time tonight. Last night was just chaos because it was my Grandma's birthday.
Called Cory yesterday. Work called him in to work out on the patio... in the rain. Now, tell me this... where is the logic in that? Nobody wants to sit out on the patio when it's raining. Nobody wants to get wet while they're eating, or eat food that's wet from the rain, too. Sometimes, I honestly wonder how some people obtain managerial positions when they seem to have the common sense of a three legged cow.
Now, Brian, my chief operating officer, is super smart and a definite people person. He wouldn't call in an employee to work in the rain like that. As for the two other managers here in this office? They're both smart cookies, sharp as whips, and good at doing certain things; but sometimes I wonder where their logic is. Come on people. Think!
If you jumped off a bridge, would you expect your minions to follow? Or would you push them off the bridge first to make sure they went down with you?
Personally, I wouldn't be jumping off of any bridge unless I was about to get hit by some oncoming train, and there was a deep river down below. Hmmm... that makes me sound like I don't take risks. Okay. Let's just say that I wouldn't jump ship, but go down with the team... BUT I would jump off a bridge into water to save my life if the situation were REAL and not business related. How does that sound?
Okay. So far, I've had 2.5 cups of water. I need to have at least 6. Somebody's going to be waking up in the middle of the night to go potty!
I'm going to ask Jenny tonight if she wants to do our Saturday walk at the zoo. I really really really really want to see the new gorillas! Tonight, we're going to Sedgwick County Park. Tomorrow, we're meeting up at the YMCA (I get to take off some hours in the afternoon from work with Dad to join them) and do some weight training/lifting. As soon as I get down to the weight I want to be, which is roughly 115 lbs, I'm going to go to working out just three times a week, maybe four. This exercising every single day is time consuming. Plus, I can't wait for the weather to cool down slightly. The humidity here is a bitch.
3 cups of water down. 3 to go.
Damn it. I forgot what else I was going to talk about. Here are some random ramblings:
I love Cory. I've thought about it after yesterday's entry, and I've decided that I would save Cory's life. Now, I'm not in love with Cory. I still think that takes having a relationship in person rather than one that's completely long distance. When I meet Cory, I hope that what we have over the phone is 100 times better in person. I would love to have him be the man I've been waiting my entire life for. I have never built Cory up in my mind like I have my past boyfriends/relationships. I've accepted him completely for who he is, and I love that person. I love what we share. I never want to lose his friendship, ever.
I remember one time hearing Cory talk to his roommate about some girl his roommate was having sex with. It was a side of Cory I'd never heard before. He made a blatantly male comment, and all I could think was "Oh my god! I can't believe he just said that." And yet, still, here I am wanting him. Had any other man made that kind of comment, I think I would have ripped him a new one, or knocked him down in my mind's opinion a few hundred notches.
It takes a lot to maintain my interest. I lose interest real fast in people. The longest relationship I ever had that mattered to me was a year and a couple of days long. That was and has been a record no other man has ever been able to match. I keep friendships that last years to a lifetime, but not significant relationships. What I noticed about my relationships with Casey and David (wow! There's a name I haven't mentioned in awhile nor thought of. I guess I'm not getting that trip to some far off land) is that we fell apart right around the time that I was starting to get bored with the relationship. I didn't want to be rude by not answering the phone when they called, but I was also in need of a break from them. I felt things for them. I always cared. But, what changed, was that I wasn't excited anymore. In the beginning, they would stir things inside of me that thrilled me completely. Towards the end, I had to do the whole transference thing and build them up in order to maintain interest. What kind of relationship is that? What kind of person does that make me?
Of course, given the fact that they were the ones to do the breaking (both, ironically, because neither could handle feeling deeply emotional for me), I felt raw pain from the experience. Had I been the one to call things off with them, I would have been emotionally fine.
The reason I brought that up is because I've yet to lose interest in Cory. There are times when he's pissed me off (as I'm sure I've pissed him off before, too). There are times when I've needed a break from him because sometimes I just need to be left alone. But, with him... I still get thrills when I talk to him on the phone. And the strange thing is, over time, those thrills have only grown... when in most cases, the thrills like to disappear and go away. What do I make of that?
I'll end with the following.
Here. This is mainly for Cory to read. I took it from Astrology.com. Sorry it's so long, but I love it. Have fun reading this:
Sagittarius (Cory) and Libra (me)
The merging of Libra and Sagittarius can be paradise found for both Signs; this combination is a harmonious one, to say the least. Signs that are two positions apart in the Zodiac tend to have a very deep, special connection and understanding of one another. Sagittarius, the journeyer, is constantly in search of wisdom. Libra has a mind keen for art, beauty and aesthetics; Libra makes a stimulating companion for Sagittarius on their travels and adds much to Sagittarius's experience. The relationship always feels new because these two keep it exciting -- and yet their natural understanding of one another makes them feel like intimates from the beginning. Together they will reach new horizons in love and in life.
Libra and Sagittarius make great friends as well as lovers. They share a certain fresh-faced optimism in the world; they're both enthusiastic about finding truth and beauty in their experiences. Problems rarely occur. Occasionally Sagittarius may hurt sensitive Libra's feelings by speaking without thinking; conversely, Libra can sometimes be a bit too emotionally controlling for Sagittarius. Since Libra is a born diplomat who abhors conflict, they'll be able to smooth over any ruffled feathers. These two have the gift of forgiving and forgetting quickly.
Libra is ruled by Venus (Love) and Sagittarius is ruled by Jupiter (Luck and Philosophy). Venus's femininity and Jupiter's masculinity make these Signs compatible and balanced. Sagittarius is constantly on a quest for knowledge of the big things -- the truth, the meaning of life and death -- and whenever Libra comes up with a new idea (as they are wont to do) Sagittarius is eager to go along with their partner and become familiar with this new concept.
Libra is an Air Sign and Sagittarius is a Fire Sign. This partnership is full of kinetic energy. As air spreads fire and makes it grow exponentially, this relationship is heated and ardorous. Sagittarius thinks they're steering the rudder, but Libra controls the flow of events with a quieter hand. These two are energetic in the extreme and can run together far and wide. The relationship runs most smoothly when Sagittarius can feel they have plenty of freedom and independence within the relationship.
Libra is a Cardinal Sign and Sagittarius is a Mutable Sign. Libra is an initiator; they think up new ideas and new places to go -- but can change their minds at a moment's notice. Sagittarius is flexible and adaptable, amenable to any changes Libra wants to make in plans.
What's the best aspect of the Libra-Sagittarius relationship? Their mutual interest in cultivating knowledge and utilizing intellect. They are well-matched and will go far together, both emotionally and geographically!
The Snake (me) and the Ox (him)
The Snake and the Ox make a great pair! Though outwardly different, these two share similar sensibilities -- they both prefer quality and depth over quantity and flashiness, and neither Sign is afraid of hard work. Both also value family and a strong, stable and satisfying home life. From the outside this relationship may look a bit tame to more adventurous types, but from within, it sparkles with its own depth of passion.
As lovers, these two do very well indeed. The charming and popular Snake may well be able to draw the shy Ox out of its shell, but will also appreciate the Ox's love of home, comfort and family. The Ox will be drawn to the Snake's intuitive nature and philosophical mind. In fact, these two have much to learn from one another -- each has its own unique way of tackling the world. The Ox's steady, dependable nature will soothe the Snake, who tends to be a jealous and possessive lover when given the slightest reason. With the trustworthy Ox, the Snake will have no cause to feel insecure!
As business partners these two make a powerful team. The Ox's practical, deliberate methods will complement the Snake's more dashing and intuitive approach. The Snake is also quite lucky with money, a great gift for the business or for keeping the home life stable. The Snake's powers of diplomacy and its love of being the center of attention make this Sign a natural frontperson at work, someone who can meet and greet new clients or associates. This is fine with the Ox, who prefers to stay out of the spotlight and put in its efforts behind the scenes
Now, the Ox doesn't sound like Cory to me.... but he is an Ox. The snake doesn't sound like me either, but I'm a snake. I think I'm more like the Ox's description and he the snakes... but oh well. It all sounded good anyhow.
