10:25 AM - Saturday, Aug. 20, 2005
Dreamland Express
I have a lot to write about today. I just hope I remember to write it all down. I keep thinking of the 101 things I need to do today from organizing my files to cleaning up my desk to doing my laundry and vacuuming. I plan to do it all today. Just not right this second. The only way to get it done, though, is to just do it. And I will. Just not right this second.
Yesterday I called Cory to tell him about my first day of classes. I ended up getting his voice mail, asked him to call me back, and he never did. I'm not shocked. That's not why I'm writing this in here. I'm mentioning it because yesterday I embarked on something scary that's going to hopefully change the outcome of my future -- and it's very important to me. He knew I was going to be starting back at school that day. What I expected from him was a call on a very important day in my life asking how things went. To at least take some interest in MY life.
You know, he bought me some postcards over a year ago and he still hasn't sent them to me. He said he even bought me a T-shirt when he wont on this vacation, but that's probably still with the postcards. It's like he tries so hard, but he doesn't follow through. It doesn't take much to mail things.
It doesn't take much to make me happy. Do I ask too much of him? Do I expect too much from him? If you think so, leave me a love letter and tell me so. I'd really like to know if I'm in the wrong here.
At least one best friend of mine called to see how my first day of school went. Ryan called me, reassured me that I'm doing something good, and pointed out the fact that even if it does become a waste of my dad's money.. my dad paid for it. That means my dad is a good guy just trying to help me become happy. That made me feel so much better about this. I can't even begin to tell you.
Ryan and I talked for awhile last night, but I was so tired by midnight that I had to catch some z's. I had a long day yesterday. Plus, the heat here was unbearably hot. I also had to actually absorb some information into this brain of mine and take up some new knowledge. Well, I did beg for some mental stimulation, did I not?
Today you can hear storm clouds in the distance so I'm positive the outside isn't as terrible as it has been. I'd still be in bed sleeping but Comet came and tugged on my ponytail. That means her food bowl was empty. I'm going to go back to sleep in a few minutes because I love sleeping. Plus, I figure I have all afternoon, evening and most of the night to do the crap I need to do. When it comes to housework, I'm such a procrastinator. If I had the money to spare, I'd hire a maid service.
Anyhow, I still want to describe the dreams I've had over the last couple of nights. They've been full of odd things.. like me being stalked by people and almost killed. I'd blame it on the BTK newscasts I've been watching, but I don't think it's because of that. Last night my dream consisted of me being at my grandparents house down in Arizona and going to a KU/WSU football game. (WSU doesn't have a football team and my grandparents from AZ are dead.) I had four tickets and I had to choose whom to take. I also worked in a clothing store where I sold satin panties and matching spaghetti strapped t-shirts with the guys I wanted to take. I had to choose one other girl and two guys. Somehow this dream turned into me being stalked by some guy from the airport, being called a bitch and a whore over the phone by some girl who was supposed to be my travel agent... and having to hide behind some guy who was going to protect me from the men who came to kill me. Then I woke up.
My other dream was the night before last. I can't remember how it went exactly but I was at my old house on Armour where I grew up. We were all in the backyard. Well, first I was up in my bedroom of the house my parents still live in, looking down on the street outside the window. There was a guy in a Jayhawk mascot uniform watching me from a distance and he wanted me to know that he was constantly watching me. That's when I was suddenly in the backyard of the house on armour... about to be beaten by this guy who turned out to be my younger brother in disguise.. and then I had this gun in my hands and I was shooting people in the head, but instead of their heads exploding with blood and shattering flesh everywhere, the bullet would just lodge underneath their skin and slightly protrude from their foreheads. Even my head was shot and was left that way. Then I was woken up by a late night phone call from Cory so that was the end of that dream.
I wonder if it's the Prozac.
Anyhow, I'm going to attempt to go back to sleep for awhile. It really is my only day to sleep in... plus, I'm putting off all the work I need to do. I'll at least get some of it done later on today. Just not right now.
Really, if only I could snap my fingers and have it all done for me in less than a second. But who am I kidding. That's just a pipe dream.
