11:08 AM - Saturday, Aug. 27, 2005
Show me the money!
Just woke up from a deep sleep, and I couldn't tell you what my dream was about this time. My mom bought me new sheets and made my bed for me the other day, and ever since.. I've been sleeping like a baby. The sheets are gold and shiney... made of Satine cotton. I feel like I'm living in luxury.
I don't know what I'd do without my mom. It's almost like I'm a grown child living away from home for awhile.. and she comes and checks in on me and takes care of me. Sometimes I wonder if that's the reason why I wasn't ready to settle down.. and I know that's the reason why I'm not ready to start a family of my own.
Right now would be a terrible time to start anything because I'm financially in the hole big time. No longer am I going to lend money out to people. They don't pay you back. And I'm not talking about the normal small change type of cash either. I'm talking abut money in the 100's. When and if I ever get rich, I'll donate to charity and stuff... but screw this "help" I've given people over the last couple of years. Now that I'm in a bind and they're not.. I don't see them trying to help me out. Or even offer to pay me back. Basically, I feel as if I've been screwed over.
See how jaded and bitter I've become?
Going back to school doesn't help matters either. I'm down to working only 28 hours a week instead of my normal 40-50. I'm afraid of what my paycheck is going to look like after taxes this time. And I have a $945 house payment to make... let alone all the bills that are due. I'd be literally starving to death if it wasn't for the fact that my mother took me grocery shopping last night, and my dad offers to buy me lunch every now and then. I have only $20 left in cash to spend before I have to break into my homeless fund. And I really don't want to do that.
For the first time in my life, I'm in a financial bind.. and that scares the hell out of me. I'm not going to charge things to my credit cards. That would only make things worse. And with the increase in gas prices? Ah, hell. And not only that but everytime I go to the doctor for therapy, it costs me a good $25 co-pay. I think I'm about to give myself an ulcer.
Maybe I shouldn't have gone back to school on a whim like this? No.. I needed to go back. If I hadn't gone back, I'd be keeping myself trapped in an unhappy situation. I can't stay there. I'm liable to commit murder, aggravated assault, or worse yet.. suicide.
Oh, shit. At least I have a roof over my head, a family that loves me, and clothes on my back. I need to quit complaining here.
