12:42 PM - Monday, Dec. 06, 2004
Artificially Flavored
I am so sad today. And it's not because I can't stop sniffling from allergies, and it's not from the fact that I have a stuffed up nose that's giving me a torterous headache, either. And it's definitely not from the fact that I'm feeling extremely anxious and paranoid about my future, or the fact that my shrink is retiring this month. And I highly doubt it's due to the fact that my sister saw a mother mouse and it's baby run across the living room floor in the townhome she and Jeff are renting... and the fact that Brian went over there and laid out traps... traps with peanut butter in the middle that the baby mouse got stuck too last night!! And it's not because Brian picked up that sticky trap, put the baby mouse into a box and threw it in the trash still alive!!!
Okay. So maybe it's slightly from the fact that a baby mouse is left starving to death in my sister's trash can. Oh, the horror of the idea of starving to death! The only consolation I receive from the fact is that hunger is the easiest way to die (besides being killed quickly, swiftly, and painlessly). And while I fear mice, and if I saw one I'd be screaming my head off and jumping up onto the furniture and possibly bawling until some guy came along to remove the thing from scaring me to death.... I can't stand the idea of any living creature, big or small, bad or good, suffering as it dies. My heart goes out to the little thing.
My sister wants to borrow my Ashley cat to come over and sniff out other possible mice. I don't know if I want to expose my cat to such viciousness. I rather enjoy the idea that my cat is not the hunter most other cats are. I mean, sure... if there was a mouse in my house (which, thankfully there isn't one), she'd be my saving grace and capture the thing... but I don't want to contribute her to the demise of the little creatures. Is that selfish of me? To only want my cat to save me from mice and bugs and not my sister? To use her hunting instincts as a furry little beast for my own benefit only?
Ah, dear god. I'm a selfish bitch. Okay. She can borrow Ashley, but I don't want to be there to watch my cat become a cruel, mean, teasing attacking machine. (And is that kind of death worse for the mouse than starving to death in a trash bin?) Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This weekend, Brian finished putting the lights up on my house. Now I have a twinkling home that looks so dang spiffy. And we also had a party for little Allison's Baptism, which was held on Sunday morning. Sunday afternoon I went house shopping with Jenny. She wants to buy a home, especially now that she's living next to some messy neighbors who attract mice.
The mail guy just came. It wasn't the usual guy, Henry... but his cute substitute. Which, I really need to find out his name from Henry... If I had the balls, I'd look to see if he was married. If he wasn't, I'd ask him out. I really would. He's adorably cute to me. And his personality is pretty awesome. He's humerous while still very nice, and he has a contagious smile. I've always loved contagious smiles. The sad thing is, we're only going to be in this building for another month and a half, and then it's bye bye to these delivery men. Ooooh, how terribly sad. Seriously.
I did something today that I never thought I'd do. I bought a personal horoscope. Cost me an arm and a leg, too... But oddly, it's so freaking accurate that it almost makes my skin crawl.
Now, I've been asking myself, "why did I do this? What good will this do me?" Etc. Etc. Etc. But it was so tempting. I mean, I logged onto People.com and it said something about, "figure out what it is you're meant to be." And since that's the question I've always been asking myself, I decided that maybe... just maybe... this would give me an answer. But... ironically.. the answer it gave me is this: There is a strong philosophical streak in you that reaches for the highest goals and seeks to attain the loftiest planes. You were either born to be a travel agent or a priest! One way or another, you feel a need for 'broader horizons'. What in the world?
It also said that I spend the majority of my time in a fantasy world. I'm a restless soul, always looking for an opportunity to improve myself or my situation. It seems, however, that there is nothing at all I'm not capable of, except perhaps relaxing! No one really understands you, least of all yourself. Isn't that the truth? Let me go on in italics here...
Flashes of occasional brilliance break across periods of prolonged mental inactivity. You have got a powerful brain but a tendency not to use it! You have a violent, explosive temper (???) and a tendency to flare up oncontrollably and unnecessarily. You have a ready ear for all people and you listen sincerely and without prejudice. Your detachment is strangely magnetic and you feel quite comfortable at the centre of even the largest groups of your fellow men and women. If there is one th ing you value more than anything else, it's closeness. Partnership, companionship and commitment are the areas of life where you naturally shine. Every now and then, without meaning to, you seem to attract unwanted criticism from unexpected sources. It is actually because some people resent the way you are so easy to be with!
Should I go on or is this too much for people to read? If they are even reading this.....
Oooh, I like this little bit, though.
You draw comfort and strength by remaining close to those around you, particularly your family. That is SO true!!
You have an active dislike of convention, tradition, ceremony AND ROUTINE!! These are all things that make you feel trapped or uncomfortable. It is funny, in a way, that you should feel so strongly about all this. You are, after all, one of life's greatest oddities; a rare cae and a most unusual individual! There is not much chance of you blending in with the background, even if you wanted to! You are not necessarily an extrovert. You may well be quiet and reserved a lot of the time. It is just that, even when you are not trying to 'project', you somehow manage to make your mark on the proceedings of whichever group of people you happen to be in. And, of course, that is why you are normally so popular. Everyone's attracted to your interesting, unexpected and surprising way of being.
Hmmm... should I start to gloat now? Ha ha!
Oooooooh... holy shit. This is becoming so oddly correcto-mundo.
You have an almost morbid fascination with raw deals and can't hear enough about the darker side of life! Can we say.. Court TV? When faced with a tricky situation or a pressing problem, your favorite solutions are: retreat, escape, run away, get drunk, change the subject, write poetry, go to the doctor, or.. as a last resort, collapse in a flood of tears and beg for help! Still, at least you are imaginative.
Your early homelife was not exactly peaceful. Arguments, if not pitched battles, used to take place often. This has had a lasting effect. A lot of the unease and anxiety you suffer is a direct result of this. (blink! blink! blink! WOW!!) You often found it difficult to talk to your mother. She rarely approved of your bright ideas. Now, you worry about the value of almost everything you do. You must learn to cast off the shadow of your past.
You want to live life to the full and drink every last drop of experience from the cup of life. Anything, even pain and suffering is preferable to the state that you dread most: boredom. You like to look long and hard at yourself and others to find out exactly what is really going on. Somehow, you instinctively tune in to matters that others say are best left alone.
In general, you are at your best when doing things for other people. You probably work your best in a routine or with others, and anything that involves complexity and careful co-ordination excites you.
Okay. I think that's enough for now. Probably more than enough... and I have to really get out of here now because it's 6 PM and I need to go buy some kitty litter for the cat since tomorrow I'm going to the Jim Brickman concert.
I feel like becoming an ostrich right now and burying myself away.
