1:00 PM - Tuesday, Jul. 27, 2004
Screw you!
Went to the doctor this morning. Turns out both my ears are clogged up completely, and I'm now on some anti-decongestant that helps with allergies towards........ CATS!
I ran into Erin at the doctor's office. I saw a car that resembled hers, and I thought, "wouldn't it be funny if she was inside at this very moment?" And guess what!? She was. Very ironic, if I do say so myself.
Blah! I just stuck some nasal thingy up my nose to relieve my sinus pressure and that stuff totally sucks! Went down my throat and didn't taste very good. Eeeeeeeeeew!
I'm cleaning out my fridge and cupboards. I'm getting rid of all the food that I won't eat that's just sitting there. I am getting rid of all the tempting food I don't need to eat, too. And then on Friday, I'm going shopping for some healthy good stuff. I am determined, BOUND DETERMINED, to get skinny enough that nobody in the world will recognize me. My motivation? Men like David!!!!! I'll be like a supermodel, except short, and I will turn down every fucking asshole that thinks he can get a piece of me. Not that I'm terrible looking right now. I'm just going to be like the people you see on TV instead of a real person.
I'm going to Wal-Mart or Target later to buy some weights. I figure my stair step machine and my Pilates aren't enough to get me to my target weight. I need to focus on weight lifting, too. Make my muscles strong enough so I can smack the hell out of men like that when they try to play me like a deck of cards. I'm going to become a lean mean fighting machine. Maybe I'll take up Tae-Kwon-Doe or Karate. Okay. Let's cut out the shit talk. I'm never going to get into some martial arts program or take up kick-boxing no matter how much I think about doing it. It's just not feminine enough to me, and I sure do like the feminine stuff.
Casey just called. He's a breath of fresh air if I ever did breathe in some. He's going to call me later on after he gets something to eat. I'm just glad he didn't think I was blowing him off on Sunday, since I wasn't.
Cory hasn't called since last Thursday. Just found out his cell phone is broken and he won't get it replaced until Wed. or Thurs. of this week. Well, damn it. To hell with everything, I say! I might as well join the nunnery sooner than later now.
Paul called last night. I think he might try to call later on tonight, too. I don't remember what we decided on last night. He sure wants to get back together with me something bad. I'm just hesitant to jump into anything with anyone anymore.
I mean, I'm dealing with my angst towards David, rekindling a friendship with Casey (although, I'm pretty sure he wants it to be something more than that, too), and right now I'm talking to Colin, the adorable Scotty lad I'm so fond of that he'll forever be my Jammy Bastard. How strange that so many of the men in my past are currently making themselves a part of my present life. I'm not talking about friends like Gilly G, who I just spoke with for the first time in forever, today, as well... or Phil or Claus or any of them. I'm talking about the ones I have been emotionally and sexually involved with. Of course, I haven't spoken to any of my high school flings or flames in years, and I know I'll never speak to David G., Michael, or Jade again unless they randomly appear out of nowhere to see how I am or something.... but the men I've been with over the last two years are all still a big part of my life. Except, of course, David. But he's the latest one.... and who knows what actions he'll take six months from now. I just hope I'm no longer bitter towards him. In fact, I wish I were completely over the whole thing as of NOW. Not yesterday or tomorrow, but NOW.
SO much for the Buddhist way. I'm trying. Really, I am. I just feel some negative energy in the air because I'm so frustrated with the male gender. If you are a male friend of mine, read no further. I'm about to go off on the male sex for a moment here, and since 95% of my friends are men, I don't want them to take offense.
Oh, to hell with it. I no longer feel the need nor have the mental energy to scream my fingers off at a particular man in this world who I think should go to hell and stay there. Insulting my ass, and being such a slimey dickweed. He never deserved me, and he doesn't deserve even a woman half as good as me. And to think I spent so much time and energy on the relationship... and for what? To have him think he's all high and mighty and better than I am, and to treat me like I'm yesterday's dog food?? There are a lot of men out there who would do ANYTHING to be with me, and not just because I'm intelligent and complex, but also because I'm very cute and attractive. So he can kiss my ass. No. No, he can't. He doesn't even get the privelage to kiss my rear because he's not good enough to even bow down to my feet and worship them. The only thing that cocksucker is worth is two cents, and that's on his lucky day. Stupid dumbshit goddamn motherfucker. I'm no longer wasting any energy on him, negative or positive. He can go straight to hell and burn for all eternity for all I care. Lousy son of a bitch.
Do I feel better now?
Not really.
If only I could take a pillow and smack him a few dozen or more times in the face and scream at him. Then I'd feel better.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
Asshole.
